The thing is,your love life is like a world cruise on a huge,beautiful luxurious ship (you) around the wide and variegated world (men. Or women. Whatever your taste,just don't get too kinky.) (or do. :D) Under most circumstances,you are content to sit on the ship and enjoy its delicacies/sport/company,but inevitably,at each port,you will be inclined to perhaps,maybe,do more than just admire the docks. Then,you may even...disembark. Discover you like the natives and venture ashore. Heaven forbid,get back on the boat with a colorful possibly cheap souvenir. I mean,who doesn't like souvenirs?
Someday,you'll line up all your little shiny trinkets. You'll have a memory behind each one. And then one little piece will jolt you straight back to the day you bought it...and why you bought it,and who you bought it from.
I went to Mr. T's house. The whys and hows are irrelevant,but it was terrible,and frightening,and strange,and nostalgic,and familiar. I stepped in through the door and he smiled that feral smile of his that always made me weak,but right then made me panic. He looked smaller. Neater. Focused. I fiddled with everything because I was nervous,like a butterfly trapped in a cage regardless of knowing where the flap to freedom is. I flitted about so he couldn't catch me. He looked like he wanted to catch me. Focused.
How are you?
Good,good. How's work?
Fine. I like it. You?
We weren't really talking. His eyes roamed over me,over mine,raking like hot coals on a cold,glacial surface. Then he said
Spend the night.
I laughed in desperation,because I knew he was serious.
What would my boyfriend say?
I won't tell him.
Why do men do that? Taunt. Tease. Mean it. Tease again. Of course I declined. Still panicking. I sat down. He said
That brings back memories.
I knew. All of a sudden I started to babble about some movie we'd watched,then my words abruptly slowed to a trickle when I realized he was wearing socks when we'd watched it.
Did I give you that necklace?
Your eyes still look the same.
I'd missed you.
So you're interviewing someone here for work?
I asked him questions. Wrote down what he said. Then he looked at me,those annoyingly meaningful looks,and said
We could never have dated.
I nodded mutely like I understood,like we'd had this conversation many times before,yet we hadn't. Yet we had. I stood up to leave. He stood.
Let me check something...
He pulled me in,closer,closer. Too close. He was leaning in. I gently pushed him away.
Ok. Even a little?
A little banter,then I left.
But I remember why I bought that trinket. I wanted it so badly,but it turns out it wasn't the kind I wanted. If the trinket could've spoken,it would've said the same thing. Luckily,Mr T was not a mute souvenir. And when I said goodbye,it felt like the last time.