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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Regressive behaviour aka The Rant.

The problem with not getting closure is that you end up living the title.

I dated this boy (operative word here,boy) (this having a blog thing is a bit destructive for my ranting. Nonetheless.). He was just...in a word,tasty. He looked good,all the time,smelled good all the time,said all the right things,most of the time (damnit,that should've been the red flag.),and I fell,a bit hard. I mean,what do you want. I'm female. I can only resist for so long. Plus,the night I met him,I had GOALS. *in small voice* and alcohol was involved.

To cut a long story short,my vulnerable heart put itself on the train track that was his...erm...that was him,and he kinda sorta fucked with my emotions. Now,very few guys have done that. My heart is generally the happy-go-lucky sort. In fact,before him,only one guy had ever hurt that much. (that,is a good story. Soon.) It started going downhill when a month or so later,we weren't official,then he started being flaky. I put up for a week,gave an ultimatum,and bounced. I swear,the idiocy that he gave me for the reason for his flakiness was a bit,erm. Oh well. *shrug* If it sounds like sh**,looks like sh**,smells like sh**...

So I came away from that a bit messed up. I mean,the thing I wish guys would change is the whole trying to protect my feelings. Just TELL ME you're not feeling it anymore instead of being a douche...basically,it makes it worse for me when your reason wasn't plausible. I woulda gotten this outta my system by now had he been upfront with me. But NOOOOOO. *sigh*

And how do I know I'm not ok? The fact that I still look at his Twitter profile,see if he's the same,notice if someone tweets him,get nervous around his hood...and the fact that I've deleted everything about him from my life (except the poetry. Whippedness and subsequent heartbreak makes for some FANtastic poetry) and yet when I see him,I still don't know how to act...but most of all,the fact that I still remember.

AAAAAARGH!!!

tSN

8 comments:

  1. I empathise. Things would be so much easier if people would just grow a pair and be upfront. Don't dance around the truth; lay it out straight-up. What seems like the diplomatic approach ends up being anything but.

    Basically, what I'm saying is, I've been there, Abigail, and it gets better. Hang in there, luv.

    p.s. Feel free to send me the wimp's coordinates. I've been in a bit of a knee-bashing mood lately.

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  2. Closure is overrated. There is no magical event that makes you forget. You have to choose to do so!

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  3. So closure is another form of self-brainwashing? :o) I think sometimes you really have to want to let go. If it's so overrated, why do so many people suffer from it? (*gasp* A Sex Complex? :D)

    @Mo, I'ma DM you those digits... :D

    @Jaq...yes. :o)

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  4. Yeah, you have to want to let go. But then how can you make yourself want to do something?
    Me I don't understand boys. Those storos for telling you nonsense that they THINK you want to hear. Who told them it's what you prefer to hear? I think it's offensive, if you can't even bother to serve me with first rate nonsense, I can CLEARLY see it's a lie.
    NKT.

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  5. oh how so true! offensive optimism in the name of 'protecting' us..now really dudes, why do your balls fail you when you need them the most??

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  6. from a dudes perspective gals do the same not that it is right but when every1 wants to come out tops sm1 is going to get hurt, i have experienced a more than fair share of heart break and additional bashing from women and after alot of therapy, meditation and religious counseling the conclusion is men are from mars and women are from venus.

    Another thing that has been proven by science is that men will never and i mean NEVER realise when things are not okay.

    Ps: marcus houston - circle

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  7. Clearly you still haven’t had closure on that one! Look, you’re wasting precious energy on a boy who is not worth it. Ebu look at your life we close that chapter. It only makes room for more exciting things to come ;-D

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