The problem with not getting closure is that you end up living the title.
I dated this boy (operative word here,boy) (this having a blog thing is a bit destructive for my ranting. Nonetheless.). He was just...in a word,tasty. He looked good,all the time,smelled good all the time,said all the right things,most of the time (damnit,that should've been the red flag.),and I fell,a bit hard. I mean,what do you want. I'm female. I can only resist for so long. Plus,the night I met him,I had GOALS. *in small voice* and alcohol was involved.
To cut a long story short,my vulnerable heart put itself on the train track that was his...erm...that was him,and he kinda sorta fucked with my emotions. Now,very few guys have done that. My heart is generally the happy-go-lucky sort. In fact,before him,only one guy had ever hurt that much. (that,is a good story. Soon.) It started going downhill when a month or so later,we weren't official,then he started being flaky. I put up for a week,gave an ultimatum,and bounced. I swear,the idiocy that he gave me for the reason for his flakiness was a bit,erm. Oh well. *shrug* If it sounds like sh**,looks like sh**,smells like sh**...
So I came away from that a bit messed up. I mean,the thing I wish guys would change is the whole trying to protect my feelings. Just TELL ME you're not feeling it anymore instead of being a douche...basically,it makes it worse for me when your reason wasn't plausible. I woulda gotten this outta my system by now had he been upfront with me. But NOOOOOO. *sigh*
And how do I know I'm not ok? The fact that I still look at his Twitter profile,see if he's the same,notice if someone tweets him,get nervous around his hood...and the fact that I've deleted everything about him from my life (except the poetry. Whippedness and subsequent heartbreak makes for some FANtastic poetry) and yet when I see him,I still don't know how to act...but most of all,the fact that I still remember.