Friday, March 18, 2011

In a perfect world...

I grew up on the sugar-coated idealism that was Sweet Valley High. In that world,your parents were your best friends and your biggest worries were what to wear for Lila Fowler's Halloween party. That was not,however the case for me.

Both my parents are pastor's children. Though the pressure to be an upright,morally inclined human is there,it isn't as bad as if they were actually pastors themselves...but it's still there. Of all my siblings,I'm the one who's stayed with them the longest (a 7-year stretch that I won't go into). I still stay with them,because everyone is so much older. Family planning is your friend.

I would always envy girls who were best friends with their dads. My mom is great and everything,but who doesn't want to be Daddy's little girl? (hence the evolution of the term Daddy issues) But my pops is the typical African male. Don't talk to your children. Don't bother to develop a relationship. Make big speeches at significant occasions (graduation,wedding,introduction to friends so they see you know your children's names). And so,my relationship with my dad can be summed up in 3 phrases: Good morning,Goodnight and I need money.

Not without bitterness,I accepted this state of affairs. At times I made valiant efforts to change it,but the only things dad really cares about lol are politics,soccer and church. 3 topics which for me,are soporific. So our relationship always goes back to the beginning. Square zero.

Then the other day during the Barcelona-Arsenal match,we started talking about the game,which I know nothing about,and great football legends (Weah,Maradona). And I discovered that regardless of the fact that my dad is incredibly set in his ways,I still do want to be his friend. Regardless of the bitterness and my angry chastisement of his indelible African ways,it still is something I would like,a relationship with my father. Though the path there may be in spurts of every two months (and my feminism is being betrayed at every step,lol),maybe it'll happen. Because your dad is your dad,no matter what,and really,who doesn't want to be Daddy's little girl?


  1. Hmmm...

    I had the same issues with Dad...and I'm a dude. And i'm guessing that would have been the situation until mum took an out of country assignment for 2 years.

    Until then, our convos were related to what tasks assigned to me had been completed. But when mom left, we actually begun to connect and understand each other.

    It a much deeper relationship now...once i gave up the view that dad is unapproachable and aloof. He's just a man. And a good relationship starts with a good conversation.

    Thanks for sharing.

  2. Good luck with your old man. Those are usually the most complicated ones to start. Cos they're like strangers cos you've never really spoken but you've known each other all this time. All the best though

  3. Feels like you were talking about my Dad, only replace church with Education. And there you have it!! funny thing is he put so much emphasis on his "sons" and how they were better than us "girls" and the paradox is that my sister and I are the ones who do well in school and are independent. Wonder why?