Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The L Word

So, what's happening is, I am learning how to drive.

I mean, I have a license and everything; I have had one for years. I am not sure why they gave it to me, because I knew and they knew that I couldn't drive, for a number of reasons:
1. I was taught to drive in vernacular, as soon as my instructor found out we came from the same village. My vernacular isn't bad. Just not Driving School Worthy.
2. I couldn't actually start the car during my driving test. The cop started to side eye me. Then he threatened me and the fear of failure made the car start and move - for about 2 metres, which, as you know from how much I can't drive, is a measure of just how NOT a driving test that was.

That aside...there's the slight issue that roundabouts make me a lil' nervous, and stationary objects feel the need to jump onto my path (#Clueless). AND MATATUS. As in?

I am practising, currently, increasing the alacrity of my middle finger - i.e. how fast I can flip someone off, putting my lights on full at idiots (SO many idiots) and, you know, NOT driving onto sidewalks (I seem to have a tendency to shy away from other cars...onto the pavement).
I am also debating whether or not to get an L sign. Because I feel like people treat Ls badly. But they'll be nicer. Right?
Either way, I have my finger.

What was awesome, though, was seeing my mom's car and chasing after her to say hi. She's never seen me drive (without fearing for her life in the seat next to me). #proudMoments (until she said she wants to trade cars. She has a manual. I was taught in vernacular on a manual. We all know how this story ends.)

Also...I didn't use my license for so long, it gathered mold.
I can get a new one, right?


  1. Lol. One thing I'm sure of is your'e definitely way better than I am

  2. I can't even begin to imagine not being able to drive. There are very few things i can think of that would be more torturous lol

    1. Why not? I mean, public transport is SO FUN.

  3. This is my main struggle in life. Everyone that I know is terrified of being in a car that I am driving. But nobody wants to drive me around because I am "too fidgety" apparently. So...? Maybe I'll start biking everywhere like Karen wazungu.

  4. Where have I been for so long???!!!! I flipped over my car last week driving at about 100kph turning a corner while dialling a pal...past midnight. It's by far. By far. BY FAR! So so far, the stupidest thing I have ever done. Obviously the insurance guys got a very different, very sanitized story. I got a tiny scratch on my palm for my troubles.

    I will tell you this for free though. Flipping people, and doing it fast, and doing it without a second thought is a very important skill to have if driving on kenyan roads. I learnt that the hard way. Some fool flipped me and drove off before I could gather my wits and thank him with a double flip right back at him. It haunted me for weeks. I wish I had a me to teach me this before I started driving. You're so lucky to have me in your life. You have no idea.