Sunday, July 15, 2012

Big Brother Stargame

I think the time has come that I can safely confess...

I tried out for Big Brother. (if you couldn't see that coming from the title, then you need nah just taking the mickey) You see, I figured, my oodles of charm, sparkling personality, electrifying wit know...electrify the judges into letting me into the house. Not to mention my most amazing and terrifyingly auspicious splitting-her-seams-with-character partner @colourme_bad. We had a foolproof plan, and the plan was US.

So we walk into the audition place thingummy. @colourme_bad was late. Which used to be a normal occurence, but this time really wasn't her fault. I just felt the need to mention it. @colourme_bad wanted shots, because she was nervous. As was I, but me drunk and weepy is not a sight that anyone wants to see (unless they're masochistic). So with the assistance of @colorme_perfect, shots were had at the ridiculously expensive KICC bar (who cares about Mututho hour? Not them), and back we were in line. Then @colourme_bad wanted makeup.

Now, I don't do make up. I have a complex for fakeness. I know that sounds bad, but it really isn't. I just prefer to give my first impressions as actual me, the me I'll be able to keep up, not the I-wake-up-before-he-wakes-up-to put-on-foundation me. Which isn't really me. It's the same reason I don't do push up bras, plastic surgery, or KY Jelly (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha *breathes* *subject to change*) (I feel flak coming my way in waves for this paragraph).

@colorme_perfect helped @colourme_bad with her makeup because she's kinda sorta a pro at such things (hers doesn't look fake. It looks like it's complimenting instead of straight out switching faces). When we walked into the audition room, some guy told @colorme_perfect that she should audition with him (to be fair, she looked fantastic. I would have asked her too, paha). So they went in, then we went in. (also, I figured The Girls would want to have a say too, so the neckline of my dress was at my navel, lol). The girls before us had been applying makeup and putting on their heels before they went in. It was making me feel like I hadn't made an effort...

So we go in and they ask us to do strange things with a toy saw (which isn't as kinky as it sounds) then we are through to the next round, which was a live audition (I really hope they never show those anywhere, because...let's just say I will pull a Jacob Zuma on them...deny deny deny cold shower deny deny deny), and the guy on the cameras was A GUY I USED TO WORK WITH, so let's just say he now knows a lot more about me than he ever really wanted to know...ahem.

So we didn't make it (obviously). We spent the whole of March anxiously poised and waiting for the call from SA to tell us to fly on down (in fact at one point, an unknown number called me and the prefix was the SA one, and I nearly flipped...turns out it was a guy I used to know in SA who I NEVER talk to anymore but still has my number and butt-dialled me...the three sisters of fate must have had SUCH a laugh when they were making his butt do that). April came and went, we saw Prezzo and Malonza and Alex in, and we figured, ok, we're REALLY not being called lol. So we spent the rest of the time hating on the people in the house, starting rumours that Prezzo must've paid someone (lol jk), who are those guys anyway, they don't have nearly as much personality, etc. You know. THe things sore losers generally do.

Then I met Malonza last week and I felt bad. He's not actually an awful chap. He's, like, friendly, and like, funny, and like, nice. And...ahem...he's filled out nicely. Ahem. So I guess I shouldn't have hated. And maybe voted, perhaps.

Ah, my mother would've never let me go anyway. When I told her I tried out, she got a look on her face and said "The one with lesbians and drinking and constant sex?" So yeah...maybe not.




  1. I need the help.. I totally never saw that coming. Really you auditioned? I'm finding it hard to believe. well.
    ION... the three sisters of fate..that got me lol-ing in the office.

    1. Hehehehe...hard to believe? Why? Didn't you read the line about personality and wit? :D

  2. Hilarious! Your expressions ... 3 sisters of fate ...I-wake-up-before-he-wakes-up...splitting-her-seams-with-character-partner...and your neckline was at your navel! I am seriously plagiarising some of these!