Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The Sheep of Art Caffe: Rated PG-17, or, the Art of Sheepery aka General Sheepishness and Artsy Fartsy Tomfoolery

*jumps onto wagon*

*leaps into foray*

*springs into melee*

*bes a sheep*

And all other similar...similes? Metaphors? Descriptive phrases? Homophrases? Sigh. I did KCPE AND KCSE. 8-4-4 don't mean a damn thing.

It's everywhere, is Art Caffe today, poor buggers, so I'm following the herd and blogging about it. Some stupid sod decided that the perfect time to be racist was yesterday morning, which has snowballed into a typical #KOT hate campaign. Their (misspelt, grammatically incorrect, illiterate-sounding empty-looking with a fake picture) Facebook page spelt Art Cafe (really??? Really, dawg?) (yeah, I said dawg) is chock-full of enthusiastically hateful comments.

Thing is, I don't believe the story went down like that. Sure, they're racist. But racist AND just plain stupid?...I dunno. How would it benefit them to NOT sell ALL the croissants? Si white folk only drink coffee and use the wireless ahahaha? Why is Robert Alai SOOOO into that story? *side-eye* What is up with black people being racist to black people? This ain't pre-Emancipation Proclamation times, yo. Ain't no field and house niggas here. Then again, people do pretty stupid things, right? Stupidity should never be underestimated...

I have never, ever had a bad experience at Art Caffe. It's so good I always tip (and y'all know I'm a cheap ass). They are always without exception (for the four I have visited - Galleria, Village Market, Junction and Westgate) fantastic to me and go out of their way to please me (beginning to sound like a porno...skips to the next paragraph)

Thing is, not everyone feels like this (doh). So, I'm tryna call the manager to find out what really went down. What's REALLY good. Will keep y'all posted on that.

In the meantime, go to Java. I'm, honestly, probably going to keep going to both establishments, regardless of the fact that Java is slowly forgetting how to fumigate its cake stands and that Art Caffe is...well, Art Caffe. Until they's racist to me...kinda. I think. I dunno. I'm weak for their mashed taters. Fact is, there are not a lot of places that I like enough to bother to ignore flaws for.

Kenyans, try to find out the entire smells off to me. Or stop going. I mean, if it bothers you. Like Twitter and the unfollow button. Just unfollow. Or open up a restaurant. Or go ratchet on the next waiter who decides it's their time to shine - and record that shit. Because either way, those Israelis don't give a fuck. LUUULZ.



  1. mmhhhhh.....not sure I agree with you on some points lil'lady. See, the reason for discriminating in such a case would be to keep away a certain type of person. By keeping away, you'd be hand in hand skipping happily down victimisation lane. A better remedy/revenge/whatever might be to stage a mass sit in. Everyone go there, order a single cup of coffee and drink it for hours loudly chatting about whatever that might irritate them. Management reserves the right to admit and serve you but what are they going to do? Call the cops and have them arrest an unending umati wa watu?

    Having said that, the story sounded off to me as well. An irate pal skyped to vent and I just couldn't get my irate on. There's always 2 sides to any story and i also thought..why wouldn't they sell the croissants? This dude is a regular customer, right (I don't know the particulars. I'm not on twitter or fb.) but that's the story I was fed. And I cannot fully get on the side of people who claim bad service...I've seen outrageous rudeness from customers as waiting staff are regarded as subhuman - refer to the serfs we keep in the house as nannies and whatnot so it's not a wonder the staff will be happier to serve foreigners without a chip on their shoulder and who will tip more.

    Ok. There. I've set myself for bile. Let the hate commence.


      'Call the cops and have them arrest an unending umati wa watu?' *dies* *posts on my facebook page*

      It sounds off.

  2. I couldn't shrug any harder without injuring both shoulders. Such anger, from peeps tweefing about how we'd all be better off "sipping croissants" at home to peeps like me who never accessed the vicinity. I say stay cool peeps.