Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Film: Haywire and The Bourne Legacy

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

So, Haywire showed SUCH promise. A movie with several just fantastic actors: Michael Douglas (Romancing the Stone - as I thus age myself. But that was a great movie). Antonio Banderas (Desperado, Puss in Boots, The Mask of Zorro...shwi shwi SHWI!), Michael Fassbender (Prometheus, X-Men: First Class. In fact, his depiction of the robot rivals Jude Law in A.I. Very nicely done), Ewan McGregor (needs absolutely NO introduction. Come on, y'all. He was OBI-WAN KENOBI, for Pete's sake.) and Gina Carano (professional badass) (and Channing Tatum, who I don't really care about. But ok. He was in Step Up, and that romcom yeah, The Vow), you would think the movie would just be amAZEballs, right?

Wrong. So very wrong.

The two great things about the movie are that Miss Gina over there is really, really, just such a badass. Possibly because she's a mixed martial artist. As in. Those moves look so very real. AIIIII. I want some of what she is having. Also, the director or whoever tried to do a very Snatch-like artsy-fartsy action film. Some of those shots are glorious. He really tried.

He tried too hard. Aki there are 5 lines of dialogue in this whole movie. The plot moves waaaaaaaaaay too slowly. There's too much...of everything. Too many stars, too many artsy loooong shots/walks, too many...ah. I was tired. Eiiiiish. It gets, it is not as bad as Courageous, so a 2 and a half out of 5. Yawa. Walikuwa wanajaribu??

Man, the absolute best movie I have watched this year is Avengers. Nothing has compared for me. Not Batman. *heart breaks* Not...ok you get it, after Batman, I feel I need not explain...and thus, I will watch everything that anyone in it is doing next. *sighs at Chris Hemsworth. Remembers he's married. Goes back to blogging* So JEREMY RENNER (Hawkeye) is the new Bourne dude. Ei, he is good. Go watch it. The plot starts helter-skelter, then you feel smart when you realize that (obviously) everything is related and you slowly make the relevant links. The sets are glamorous and shiny :D They explain a bit, enough for you to understand what is going on. I did enjoy this movie. And the heroine was very satisfactory, especially at the end with a surprise twist. Good stuff. 3 and a half out of 5.


p.s. STILL have not watched Total Recall. Too many action movies out.


  1. You should watch 'Shame'. Fassbender's best performance yet. P.S - Don't watch it with kids around. Or with your folks. Or with anyone you'd be squemish watching a....uhmmm.....a movie that shows unmentionables and has activities that require legs to point up.

    1. You's got no idea, luv. You'll spend the whole movie tsk tsk-ing at Fassbender thinking, "For shame, Fassbender. For. Shame!". Mark my words.

      Then you'll bow down at the awesomeness of his art.

  2. Not many people liked The Bourne Legacy but I found it fantastic actually. Cinematography was on point. Plot made me yearn for the sequel to build on the foundation laid here and a return of Matt Damon since it will happen two or three down the line. EMM

    1. You think he will come back? I really thought he was going to be in THIS one, actually...a cameo, at least...

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