MY PUBES = MY BUSINESS

This is my post from Storymoja this week.
I feel very strongly.
Can you tell?
:D

If you haven’t gathered from the last post, I like to talk about Vaginas And Their Environs. Also, it’s a post kind of about a hip hop song, so…yeah. Even more cussing than the last one. Just letting you know.

Recently I watched the T.I. video ‘No Mediocre’ featuring Iggy Azalea. Now, I usually love T.I. Right after he rapped on Justin’s Future Sex – My Love, I was IN love. I still quote him every time someone says ‘Why yes. You can have whatever you like.’ (this really does not happen as often as I would want and/or require) I LOVED the gangster virtuosity of What You Know. Heck, I even watched his reality show with Tiny.

But I CANNOT with this song.

I’m a feminist, for the most part (which means, you know, that I think that people should have equal rights all together, so basically I’m a humanist in the basic definition of the word, which, really, ALL PEOPLE SHOULD BE), which makes it rather hard for me to be a hip hop fan. But I love hip hop; I’m a writer. I like words. And smart words? Wit? Satire? Funky town wordplay? I’m done, son.

But if it isn’t Rick Ross spewing some idiocy about drugging a girl so he can sleep with her, it’s ‘hoes’ not being loyal. My problem is that I fucking love those songs. That’s my fucking problem. So more often than not…I ignore Rick Ross (who, to be fair, can’t rap anyway. If you’re gonna roofie a girl, muster some lyrical prowess at least, why don’t you. *rolls eyes*) and interpret Chris Brown (who, again, should I be listening to? Nope. Thank you, YouTube, for allowing me to not enrich these people. No? Pirate Bay? Kick Ass Torrents, anyone?) how I prefer to interpret him, because let’s be honest, sometimes, the bitches you know really aren’t loyal.

But I digress. (there are a lot of buts in this post. And I digress…again.)

These are the first four lines of T.I.’s rap, and the song:

Right hand in the air, I solemnly swear
I never fuck a bitch if she don’t do her hair, no more
You won’t get no dick if it’s a bush down there
Girl, I should see nothing but pussy when I look down there

I replayed this bit a couple of times because I couldn’t believe this line. Now, this doesn’t happen often for me. Yeah, I listen to the words, but sometimes the words don’t hit me immediately (like when I FINALLY heard what they say in Bendover after twerking it a couple of times in the club). I suppose it should though. But this one hit at me immediately because it was so directly offensive to things I have been fighting people about since I was, like, 12.

I’m sorry, what was that, T.I.? You won’t fuck a bitch if she don’t do her hair? Because hair stays exactly the same all through – like a perfectly coiffed metal do? Riiiiight. I see that all of the video vixens (and your wife, yay!) have done their hair, so that is great for you. Just to clarify – you’ll fuck her but won’t wife her, or…because there’s nowhere where you say you’re interested in wifing anybody (because…you know. Tiny.). So you’re either A, talking about the chick you are going to fuck who you aren’t wifing, or…you’re talking about your wife. Ok. Great.

Now this is where I got really turned UP (in all honesty…I should also quit with offensive hip hop. *sigh*).

T.I. is trying to tell women everywhere who want to date short sexy (I’m sorry, he really is) daddies (I’m sorry, again, for that uncomfortable visual – but dude has like 7 kids, yo) like him that their vaginas need to look like a 5 year old boy’s.

Look, I have nothing against manscaping…scaping…masochism…honestly. As long as it is YOUR CHOICE. NOT because some random guy tells you to. And really, guys…what is WITH that? Why do guys feel the need to direct women so specifically about how they should look/what they should wear/how they should sound DOWN TO WHAT MY PUBES SHOULD LOOK LIKE?

I mean, I’ll do it if you will. Back, crack and sac. I’m down. I’ll take off my weave (ha! Figuratively of course, because…dreads) if you’ll put the toilet seat down EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I mean, guys. Really. This is the most. It’s about SMASHING. I think the dynamics are different when you go into a big holy building and swear to love a person forever in front of your deity of choice…but this song is about SMASHING. The song is talking about him only wanting bad bitches, but I am interested in being the ONLY bad bitch (quote unquote…mostly), not one in the bevy surrounding him in the video (who, of COURSE, are wearing about as much as his hat). He won’t fuck a bitch who won’t do her hair? Dude, I have dreads. They’re messy, and they’re gonna look like this for a while. In fact, I probably won’t do my hair just to weed out the dirtbags who sing songs like these. I am sooooooooo not interested if this is something you think, amirite?

And I’m not going to shave my vagina, either. The idea of a razor so close to my labia minora makes me distinctively uncomfortable for more than just historic reasons. On top of that, it itches, it’s uncomfortable, and painful, but aside from that, I JUST DON’T WANT TO.

Welcome to the bush. Have a pleasant flight.

If you, like, deserve it.


lyrics courtesy of rap.genius.com