Thursday, January 9, 2014

On idiots, movies, and idiots who should NOT be in charge of movies

Dear Century Cinemax,

Your Tuesday offer is stupid.

You know, the one where you tell me that if I buy a ticket, I also get popcorn and a hotdog and a soda free.

Whoop de do.

Because I know you are stupid, I will outline exactly why you are stupid. Because I am sure you don't know.

1. I am Kenyan. No way in hell am I going to come to Junction to pay for an offer that is THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY BOB at Sarit for the exact same thing. 250 without the snacks. Yes, on Tuesday. Who you think I is, Paris Hilton? Timely movies? Whatevs (think DVD guy, and it'll get to Sarit eventually. Like, a day after. Seriously.). More convenient? Um, no. I don't live in Karen so Junction is NOT convenient. Better screen? Ha. Same size, worse popcorn. Ok, I think popcorn sucks anyway. Which brings me to number 2.

2. Popcorn sucks. Unless it's caramel corn. Which, by the way, is NOT in the offer. WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS NOT AN OFFER. Which, by the way is 400 bob at IMAX. Did you know that? Caramel corn is 400 bob at IMAX.

400 bob.

That's two beers.

Or, how much I use on bus fare in 4 days.

But I digress.

3. I can't buy a ticket without the special? So, ALL tickets that are sold have to be special tickets? So I have absolutely no choice in the matter? You guys...that's stupid.

4. You feel like it makes sense for this to be the special? Soda (chock full of sugar) - yes, I am going Badventist on you - badly made popcorn that gets stuck in your teeth and an uninventive snack stuck between a split roll of stale bread - all of which you aren't handing out a free gym subscription with to work off?

Basically, guys, you are encouraging unhealthy eating, my high blood pressure, diabetes, hypertension, litter and obesity.

That feel smart to you?




  1. couldn't agree more! Always checkin in hoping to find a post. I love your writting especially when you're tellin a story.
    Your biggest fan :)

  2. Wait. For 350 you get the same offer at sarit on tuesdays? Coz I've been doing the junction thing on Tuesdays and thought myself doubly clever. Whaaaaat? Goddamit!!!!! Why didn't you tell me this before? I thought we had a special thing going on :((


    1. NDIRANSH!

      My soul has been a vast...empty...lonely wasteland without your bloglovin.

      Why must you love me then leave me, so bereft?

    2. know when you mess up in a relationship and you've got no excuse (other than the ever fresh, 'it wasn't me') and have to just stand there and take your medicine with your most dejected hang dog expression? This is one of those times. No excuses. BUT...I'm back. Bigger and better :)). Truce?