food/love/life/film

Friday, December 27, 2013

Dodging bullets and chasing sex

Do you ever look back in your life and thank the Lord Jesus that you never slept with all the guys that you could have slept with?

Honestly that little voice - or fear - or pastor - or whatever it was that stopped you - was secretly a vessel sent back in time - much like The Terminator - to save you from your possible regrets in a parallel universe.

Thank God for Terminators.

I mean, think about whoever you were dating, say, 3 years ago, and tell me you are not shivering at the thought that you could have given them the cookie.

Not everyone needs the cookie. In fact, many of those have had too much cookie. They need to lay off the damn calories.
Some of them don't eat the cookie right. They're messy - spilling crumbs all over the place, or not using napkins right. I mean, camaaan. Are you Mowgli?

Also...the cookie is a powerful weapon, something I am consistently discovering. You see, unlike all the women in movies who know exactly what they are dangling, I have no idea how to dangle. I tend to throw ish out there and hope someone gets the hint. Not so that I can give out the cookie - this is very important - but so that people THINK I am going to give out the cookie.

I learnt this in House of Lies (SO funny). When guys think there is hope to become a cookie monster, it's surprising how much they will do for you. Even with me, who half the time - sorry, most of the time - is clueless. People do your work for you, cover for you and ish, open doors and ish (that's what chivalry is, ladies. HAHA just kidding. I think. I wouldn't know. I'm clueless.)

So it's not intentional.
I swear. Haha.

Being a woman. Who knew?

8 comments: