Wednesday, May 8, 2013


My friend owes me money, and it's breaking my heart.

Several of my friends have been doing that lately; the breaking heart thing. Your momma told you about boys, but did she tell you about friends?

I know, I know. I shouldn't have lent her money in the first place. But...she was my friend (i.e. I was not going to make her sign a contract. I should start that). And I figured I could always start selling her sh* if she defaulted, one microwave at a time.

It's been 2 years.

I don't even know if we are still friends anymore. I mean, sure, we tweet, but that is the extent of our relationship. I thought we were tight, you know? But friends don't do friends like that, do they? It feels like a freakin breakup, except I want to bash her face in. Oh, wait. It feels exactly like a breakup. Lol.

They say money ruins friendships, but it's not even about the money (ha! YES IT IS! B* WHERE'S MY MONEYYYY???). It's a lot to do with betrayal. I even wrote poetry, yo. Bad poetry, but better than the drivel I've been churning out lately. I almost wished she had kissed Wolverine instead. (HAHAHAHAHA NO I DON'T. These things I keep saying. Forgive me, I am driven mad by grief.)

1. Find a guy who knows a guy to relocate her kneecaps
2. Keep calling her and hope she stops avoiding me
3. Fuhgeddaboutit.
4. ...

What do you guys do when people owe you money and you can't get it back? Kwanza my landlord from 2 years ago has shikiliad with half of my deposit because I gave him a week's notice (because his house was crap and I needed to move asap). Who. DOES that?

Don't say Kenyans. Me I don't.

(when you...are far...away...and blue...what do I do)



  1. Kneecaps! Crack the caps!!!

  2. Lend money with interest next time.. With money,dnt show affection. Ur landlord doesnt.

  3. Don't loan money u can't live without.......

  4. What do guys do to get their money back?Am in the same fix.I know how you feel......

  5. haha me n you should sign a contract! lol

    Go to her house and help yourself to whatever you like.

    1. KADDIE K!


      You da make my heart go!!


      Friends suck.

      But I would give you money. LOL.

  7. first of all I thought it was me who owes you money.....I was like wait I?loooool ask for it then see what happens

  8. Oooh, I used to make my friends sign IOUs.
    Then I stopped.
    Then the day before yesterday I lent someone in the office money. Who I only Skype. Then you wrote this.

    Why, Lawd, why????

    IOUs are a plan, methinks. Promissory notes and whatnot.

    (also, I agree with Anonymous)



  9. ooookay, methinks people living in glass houses should not throw stones. Also should not walk around in the nude...unless they're (a) of the feminine persuasion and more importantly (b) awfully pretty. You've owed me money for yonks and I don't go around telling people about it so let's chalk this up to karma. You owe me. Others owe you. You don't keep your promises. Others will stop keeping their promises. Now if you think loan defaulters are the devil's girlfriend, wait till you meet oathbreakers. They're the pits. The pits!!!! So here's the actionplan. 1. Pay me like you owe me. 2. Keep your promises like you...oathed me. (doesn't ryhme!!!!)

    Otherwise, hey tsn, how's you been? Welcome back.

    1. Disclaimer:

      The sentiments expressed above are not true. WHO ARE YOU GOING TO BELIEVE? HUH? HUUUUH?

      Hello, Ndiransh. Missed me?

      Just say it.

    2. Man! You’re going to make me do this, aren’t you? You’re going to make me drag your name in the mud in public. You should know that this is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you. Ok, let’s get this started. You can sit right here next to me. Yeah, like that. Maybe not too close. Move back abit. Much better!

      Now, over a year ago you said that if I (and any others) went to watch avengers, you’d give me (and those nameless, faceless others) 20bob for their trouble. I went twice. Now, I’m not a math wiz but that comes to 40bob or some such. So I came back to your blog and patiently waited for you to pay up but you ran on to tell stories about how you were in between jobs and buying a car and moving house which were all obviously a smart way of telling me you were skint and couldn’t pay up. Being as saintly as they come, I patiently waited and prayed for the day you’d have enough money to pay back the 40bob. Now, I could have waited till forever ended but seeing you raise such a storm over other people owing you is just too much to take. The good book says the measuring cup used to measure your neighbour’s tea shall be used on your tea as well…or something of that order. Pay up, luv.

      P.S – Of course I missed you. This is the equivalent of pulling pigtails during recess in lower prima :-)

      P.P.S – Let’s not get started on the promise thing, sawa?

    3. *moves back*
      *crosses legs*

      Ndiransh. :o)


      40 bob. When do I give it to you?

      But...but I forgot. You gon' be mad coz of a lil' ol' thing like that?

      *flutters eyelashes*

    4. You can see from the time taken to respond that this was not a decision taken lightly. Alot of soul searching went into this and it's being done with a heavy heart but sometimes we just have to yank out the plaster no matter how unpleasant it might be so here goes.

      You promised a memento from Egypt by way of a blogpost. Then you went partying in the SA and watching movies and harrassing the pals that owe you money and pretended you never promised anything.

      This makes 2 things in total you owe. I can't go on...I need to heal.

      P.S - Yes, I know I can be idiotically melodramatic.

      P.P.S - One of my new year resolutions was write something and have a P.P.P.S. This is a stepping stone to my goal. Also, I'll be coming for my cash.

      P.P.P.S - I am awesome. And goal oriented. And a high achiever. Eat your heart out!!! A P.P.P.S!!!!

    5. Ok, fine. You're mad.


      Partying in SA?

  10. "Fuhgeddaboudit!" That fondly reminded me of Sopranos... :)

    Friends and money is a no-no... there's this weird sense of entitlement some people tend to have that you are obligated to always be there to back them up. I'm right there with you (somebody owes me money after a series of cumulative borrowing) and I have come to the realisation that some people need the "Looper" treatment - close the gap that allows them into your pocket, and if that's what it takes to end a friendship then they can as well fuhgeddaboudit too!

    1. Hehe. :o)

      But I am always drawn into the 'but we're friends/but I'll kill you' mentality.

      So what do I do now? Other about it.

      Willpress!! LOOOOOONG time no see.