Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Rated AM (i.e. if you are in possession of sensibilities, skip to the next post)

We all go through that phase at some point in our lives. Well, most of us anyway. Save for those few who were fortunate enough to wind up with that perfect combination of genes, after generations and generations of Mother Nature’s dice rolling, of exchange of dominant and recessive roles between the good and the bad genes, that subconsciously sought after mix of superior and dominant genes that gives us, well, something close to me. The contemporary Alpha Male. Yes, I see you roll your eyes, like here we go, but let me stop you. I actually am serious. I AM the alpha male. I am that seemingly unidentifiable man all men want to be. I am that man you want to be, or your boyfriend wants to be, or your brother, uncle, and yes, even your father. Wants to be and wishes he were. I am the quintessential male. I am Mother Nature’s ultimate goal. Evolution is a quest for perfection, and I stand at the end of that quest. I am the closest thing to god you will ever meet.

I digress. So I shall backtrack. I started off talking about a phase. Even with my near perfection, I too went through that phase, albeit very briefly. That unsure phase of your life. That bit where you’re uncertain of everything. You don’t quite know what you want. Or how you want to achieve what you want. You’re funny looking. Things are not quite in proportion yet. And there’s one other thing. What was it. Oh yeah. You’re a fucking retard. Make no mistake, mine was fleeting; blink and you would have missed it. Most of the people in my life cannot even identify it. But nonetheless, I went through it. Which takes me in the direction of my subject. Women. Even in that phase, I still seemed to do quite alright in that department. I mean no doubt I had the usual blustering nerves that plagued most of us, but I got by. Then the fleeting period passed. I blinked. Almost literally. And my world changed.

Backstory. Allow me to indulge myself. I am fucking brilliant. I put it like that for emphasis. You see, there is brilliant, then there is very brilliant. Then there is fucking brilliant. I am the latter. My current career of choice is in the manufacturing industry. Strategy and policy. This decision was made after I blinked. However I say current because it shall not be my last, and neither shall my next one. That’s right. Fucking brilliant. Digressing again. Apologies. Upon blinking, my life quickly picked up pace. Mentally, financially and inevitably, sexually. I started to notice an improvement with the ladies. I seemed to develop a far greater appeal than before. Now, this has little to do with looks, although, for the reasons stated at the very beginning, I am, naturally, a good looking fellow, a fact that helped me through my blink. But now things were different. I exuded something…..seemingly unique. So what was I to do? I indulged the effect. Throughout the remainder of high school and my campus years, I indulged. And wound up with very interesting early sexual encounters. Very interesting. But those are stories for another day. I came away from those experiences with two things:

One, I learned that my Midas Touch had nothing to do with my latter, if you can call them that, successes. I am in my early twenties and already making very good money. Driving a beautiful Chevy Camaro. Cabrio of course. Obstinately confident. Bla bla bla. You know. The usual story of a late thirties, early forties chap. Except I am in my early twenties. The work of my brain. But today I am talking about the work of my dick. So let us proceed.

Two, my Harem began to amass. In leaps and bounds. Where shall I start…

Angie. My sister’s best friend. Younger sister. Angie is one of those girls who just oozes sex appeal. Little. No. Scratch that. Tiny. And boy could she fuck. Fuck. After I blinked, I would go out with my sister and Angie. And noticed she would give me the eye. So I thought it only fair to give her the Dick. She’s that all important iPod Nano shag. You know. The oh-so-portable-one. The one you can lift up and pin to the wall and fuck her brains out without breaking a sweat. Yes. That one.

Marla. My sister’s friend. Elder sister. Similar story. Clubbing together, got a little too touchy on the dance floor, one thing led to another, and bam. Or should I say bang. My first experienced shag. She taught me so much about mind blowing sex that I came to the conclusion what I was having before her was not sex. Guys, you gotta get a more experienced lover at some point. The things they can do will blow your mind. Marla gave me my first experienced blowjob. Not that biting, slobbing, saliva rubbish most girls do. She Sucked Dick ™. She literally sucked the cum out of me. And swallowed. My body convulses just thinking about her. And the best thing about it, she loves every second of it. It turns her on incredibly. And she knows her body. And she is….wait for it…the ever elusive…..squirter. Yes. Admittedly, it is a feat we have only accomplished thrice (really due to the fact that it is faaaaaaaaaaaaaar too much work), but each time leaves me in utter awe. Been like four weeks Marla…..where’d I put that number…

Fiona. Primary school best friend. Turned instant fierce lover once I blinked. In a steady relationship throughout (not with me of course), but can never quite say no to me. She is that apprehensive shag. Like, she knows she shouldn’t be doing it, but can’t quite help herself. Like, no, no, no, no…..yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, YEEESSS!!!

Ciru. Gotta have a Ciru. LOL. Was a neighbour. Kept running into her as I walked my dog. Ciru is a giver. The submissive type. Nothing boosts a man’s ego like a giver. She spreads herself, all wet and eager, for me to take her as I please. And she has a serious case of that thing some girls have, um….instant wet? Only takes a touch and she is all lathered…beautiful.

Stella. I made eye contact with Stella’s arse at a corporate function. She was in a tight little red outfit that absolutely killed all the men in attendance, and later that night, I took the concept of attendance to a whole new level. I attended my ass off. LOL. She was my first one night stand. She broke my one night stand virginity. I am ever so grateful, Stella, *sob sob*, you taught me so much. Stella is currently my go to blow job girl. I mean, that girl can suck a dick. And not just randomly, and guys, I know you will bond with me here; she will work at your dick like it’s a fucking job-on-the-line assignment and the fucking deadline’s running out. If she put half that effort in her work, she’d be fucking CEO by now. First time she gave me head, she sucked the sperm out of every last orifice in my testicles. And then swallowed. That day, I knew this one’s a keeper. You absolutely MUST have a PHD equivalent blow job girl in your harem. And, to add icing to the cake, Stella’s a screamer. Goddamn. Shakes me up just thinking about her.

Ciru’s best friend. Yeah I know. How cliché. But gotta do a best friend right? At this point I must say, you ladies are your own worst enemies. So I don’t really know how these things work with girls, perhaps Ciru went on and on about how I *brushing my shoulder* laid the dick down, perhaps her best friend had always liked me, who knows. Who cares. Long as she fucking, right?

Phyllis, Mary, Laura, Virginia. My workplace girls. My boss is feeding me on more fronts than he knows. LMFAO. And to show my sincere thanks, I cum all over his kitchen. And his boardroom table. And his bathroom sink. You get the picture. Perhaps morals amongst working class girls are decaying (so says the whore ) but fucked them all within the second out of office encounter. Two on the first. The amount of sex I have within the office premises is ungodly. And I have identified two more prospects. One on our offices on 8th floor, another on 15th. To be honest they are the last workable prospects in the company.

It’s unbelievable. Really it is. I honestly do not know what it is with me, but most women seem to be attracted to me. They cannot help themselves. If I was female, I probably couldn’t either. I have gotten overtures from mothers, wives, girlfriends, sisters….you name it.

Now the most beautiful thing about my little harem, each and every one of my girls is at my beck and call. My women are house trained. They await my call. And when I call, they fucking come running.

This will probably come off as very pompous, but I am not one to sugarcoat. I am telling you like it is. Like I said, I must be the so called Alpha Male, because there simply cannot be any superior to me. Gentlemen, I apologise in advance, as I suspect little of this has gone down well. But take heart. We cannot all be me. Just don’t bring your girlfriend around me.

And to close, there’s a saying I saw somewhere in the bible that could prove to be of some comfort to you. It goes:

“Ye that owneth and driveth a Toyota Corollaeth knoweth only your Toyota Corollaeth, and cannot fathom the superlativeth experienceth of he that owneth and driveth an Aston Martineth, Ferrarieth, Lamborghinieth and Rolls Royceth; so looseth not hearteth."

A. M.


  1. Facebook like on the last quote, and *in American accent* fucking A, fucking A...

  2. a lady cant believe am backing you up on this but its true.i have a friend who is an alpha male.been there done that, when he calls girls come running.could not be said better

  3. @Abba *sigh* As you use my name, you idiot. As in. Lol. Do you? Really? Or do you think you do?

    @untonyto Because people live like this? :D

    @Nigmwa I have no idea what you're talking about.

    @muthoni hehe

    @joelsiege I thought so too. :o)

  4. hahahaa ati your identity is a secret? surely!

  5. TSN...introductions are in order I see? :)

  6. This was trashy, egocentric and senseless. There is nothing special about men whores; in fact they don't ring their own bells. It goes without saying that who talk much about sex talk about their imagined conquest. You are, certainly, a voyeurist who need more help than envy. I know you'll get fussy with my comment, perhaps even be insolent as you try to justify your exposed self but this article is full of traces of imaturity, makes one cringe at the thought of you being the altimate man. Hogwash rubbish, thats what u wrote. nothing special about men whores; in fact they don't ring their own bells. It goes without saying that who talk much about sex talk about their imagined conquest. You are, certainly, a voyeurist who need more help than envy. I know you'll get fussy with my comment, perhaps even be insolent as you try to justify your exposed self but this article is full of traces of imaturity, makes one cringe at the thought of you being the altimate man. Hogwash rubbish, thats what u wrote.

  7. Oh, sweetie. It is unfortunate that you feel the need to hide behind anonymity. You need to calm down. If you don't like it, don't read it. Thank you for your comment.

  8. Hey Anonymous.
    I will direct you to my quote at the end. I suspect what you need is to get laid. And perhaps by someone slightly attractive.
    So looseth not hearteth.

  9. I love cowardly anonymous folk. HA. ANd you should have skipped as the warning suggested. Good, grief.
    P.s A.M. I am suspicious of your attractiveness.

  10. wah, is this a true story?