Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Prequel: The Mr. T. Chronicles - Friendly Etiquette, obviously

So, humans are…well, human. Obviously. Otherwise they’d be called grass. Or electricity poles. Anyhue. So humans have needs. Groinal urges, if you will. (Teehee.)

To satisfy these urges, a willing partner is needed, obviously. Most people resort to their relationships. When those are not readily available, they resort to their friendships. Thus, the lustful union of a Friends-With-Benefits relationship is born.

The truth is, women are pretty bad at FWB/BootyBuddy/Catchmate (et al) relationships. Again, the obvious reason is because women (ok, many women) associate sex with emotions, and men associate sex with…well, sex. So a physical relationship for a woman almost always results in an emotional attachment.

To AVOID emotional attachment (because men and women think so differently, these things don’t usually end well), there are certain rules that must be followed, obviously. This is for women, because we’re more prone to fall.
1. Don’t text, unless it’s a booty call.
2. Don’t talk to him, unless it’s a booty call. Other than common courtesies. That don’t extend to how his dog is.
3. Don’t start thinking about a possible future with him unless he acts like he wants one. Like texting you outside of booty call hours/conversation, or, you know, asking where this is going.
4. Don’t ask where it’s going. Unless y’all are discussing shower/bed/kitchen options.
5. Ok, I only had four. General guidelines, you understand. Unless it’s about the booty, don’t make the call. If you started at a physical level, it may be a bit difficult to cross the street. Not impossible, though. And if you find yourself getting to that place-that-shall-not-be-named, flee. You’ll only hurt yourself. Obviously.

p.s. The words Booty and Obviously have made several choice appearances in this text. Guess what the main theme is.

p.s. (2) So what happens when you’re following these rules, but the other party isn’t?

Enter Mr. T.



  1. Quite interesting read! Perhaps you shuld take a look at this one from my archives.