Monday, March 9, 2015
The Breakup: Goodbye, RHOA
Sometimes, a TV show is like a drug, and you don't realize how bad you look when you are wiping off your little white friend from the side of your whatever until you watch Scarface and realize that that is probably you.
You see this is the thing - I LOVE reality TV. I always have, and I have always wanted there to be more. I want to see how everyone is living! What they're buying! I want to intrude on my favourite superstars' lives! Yes, I would never do the BBA thing with the shower hour (I did audition though. I think they could sense that off of me. And it didn't help that when I told my mother about it, she was like, oh, the show with the lesbians? So...no. That would never have worked, amirite?)
But I have reached the End of the Road with RHOA. I just watched Season 7 Episode 10 and I am officially unable to can.
I have been trying to quit the drug for a good long time now. When Nene had that sex party and deliberately created drama and there was a demon, as Portia said, in the room, and the fight was ridiculous, and then all that drama happened?
Look, I used to like drama. But that one was too much. But I couldn't resist the pull! So a couple of months later I broke my fast and got back into the season 6 again, watched Portia act a damn fool, and then launched into Season 7.
And now here we are. I can't.
So in Episode 10 Nene gets into it with Claudia at some point and tells her that her clitoris has left her body.
Guys, I don't know if this bothered me so much because I *have* a clitoris - I'm not sure. But I was just like...what??
I started to question all of my life's decisions. What is my life? What are my choices? Why are we here?
Nene is clearly a crazy person (as is Kenya, as The Apprentice showed later as well). And even though she was clearly on the wrong, she STILL felt the need to call out Claudia's lady parts - and try to SLUT SHAME her? Forget the ridiculousness of the fact that Nene was once a stripper - it is entirely possible that she could have been a stripper who didn't sleep with clients - but to get to the point where you are so far gone in your arrogance that you feel the need to call on vajayjays? For NO REASON?
Nene is crazy.
Kenya is crazy.
Portia is deluded af.
Kandi is really the only one I am willing to fux wit, but she doesn't have her own show, so. It's just like how they shouldn't have put all of the other Braxtons in Braxton Family Values (couldn't get past Season 1, and even that, with the lovely vampire Toni, was a struggle. How people watch Tamar and Vince is beyond my comprehension).
Phaedra, with all her casual shade throwing ways that used to be oh-so-amusing, seems to just be becoming malicious and vindictive, and I'm not here for it.
Claudia seems cool, but I am sure that is going to change any minute now, because all these woman are not who they really are. They change every single episode! Like 2 episodes ago, Kenya and Nene were hugging and now she is side-eyeing her the end. Unless we have them on camera 24/7, you can never really know what these women are choosing to portray, or why, because it isn't a novel, so, what's the point? Because that bipolar-like character change just has my high blood pressure like whattttt is going on here (and the scriptwriter in me is like that trajectory of character development is just too implausible...)?? And why? And these can't be real people?? And why am I watching these CRAZY PEOPLE?? And...whattt?
These are a bunch of influential black women who can do more than just entertain with ratchetry (#Kandi). But what they choose to do instead is tear each other down and talk about clitorises leaving the building. Even me I am leaving. The more I take in, the crazier I have potential to become. I barely even remember why I started watching it in the first place.
It's not me. It's DEFINITELY you.