Feels

I thought about accepting her friend request. I did.

But I didn't understand why I should. And the type of person I am calls for logic - tell me why I am doing something before I do it.

I am not good at following blindly, which is why my religious walk ended so abruptly. (though still not as abruptly as I suppose it should have been, but arduously, drawn out, like an unhealthy lover). And speaking of love, I may be bad at it. Love seems to need a certain blindness. Or should I say, one-track mindedness. Forsaking all else and others. Ignoring reason presented to you - but there are lipstick smudges! Look, receipts! - . Like...blind...faith.

The reason I thought about it was Slevin. I think he wanted me to. But I didn't have a good reason! And I didn't want to talk about it not being a good reason. Because why? I am also the type to want people who are reading my statuses to actually know me. I am no socialite. Or spam robot. Or corporate bigwig organization faking community responsibility and giving a damn.

But then I thought about the fact that they are friends. *sigh* We'll end up meeting. She'll be shorter than me, possibly less eloquent, but the look on her face will speak volumes. It'll be a look that says, 'I wonder if this bitch is going to deny seeing my friend request' right before I deny seeing her friend request, because, you see, this is a culture I have cultivated, rather conveniently. I don't look at my friend requests so that when I say I didn't see it, it isn't actually a lie.
Though in her case, it will be. She'll know it - I'll know it - and we'll smile, cordially, at each other, her thinking I'm a stuck up snob and me resenting her for even bringing it up in the first place, because surely, if someone doesn't accept a request, like girls who give you the wrong number at the club, why, pray tell, must you flog the dead horse?

The moral of the story is, I am not an honest person, and I'm not sure if I am interested in being one.

tSN