Thursday, July 11, 2013

The story behind depression

Hyperbole and a Half chick had it, and so do lots of people. This is one of my friends.

When did you realize you had depression? Did you think it was a legit thing before you had it?

I woke up in late April feeling like I wanted to just disappear, the previous night, I had been out partying but had to leave when I realized I had veered from the path I had set for myself, to never drink, to be honest with my feelings, being firm with my beliefs and here I was, drunk, clinging to a man who was obviously using me. I felt like shit. The next couple of week was terrible, couldn’t sleep, work stresses were upped by being made the head of my department. I was falling apart. As everyone marveled at my success, all I saw was shit, shit, shit, and it made me a miserable soul.

I spoke to my best friend, who recommended I speak to someone who knows me – someone who will not throw a pity party and I was referred to a therapist. My first time seeing her, she asked me to do a series of written tests and then we could talk. From the tests she was shocked by my stress levels, I was in a bad place and fuck it … I had gotten myself there by expecting too much from myself without actually LIVING … so far it’s been good. I have made peace with what I cannot change and what I can change, I’m working on it, I can sleep sometimes, sometimes I can’t and I just wake up and read through my favourites or just bug my friends with stupidity. Sometimes I just listen to music until I black out.

Did you tell people, like your other friends? How did they react?

I told my friends in phases, I first told my housemate and his girlfriend and they were very supportive and made sure I was not alone ever for a few weeks. They’d drag me to events even when I didn’t want to be there. They’d make sure I met new people, away from my circle of work-mates *which to some extent contributed to my lack of focus on my being*. The pressure to fit in my industry is crazy.

Other friends I told were shocked, we had candid conversations – which helped heaps, others told me to stop being crazy with white people diseases and go out more *sigh*.

Are there support groups? Who do you talk to?

I talk to my friends, I talk to my mum … although for her she just calls it STRESS … she prays a lot for me. She calls me at least once a day and sends me inspirational quotes. It’s good to know she is there for me, even when I break down in her presence, she assures me that all will be good.

Does God help? Is there a 'cure'?

I think prayer helps, there are days I wake up and I feel like I’m having a heart attack … my nervousness gives me palpitations and I ‘see’ death … I will pray hard for myself and will usually talk to my mum about it.

Is there a cure? I dunno … I think it’s something we outlive, once we are self assured that all is well, the world is not crumbling on us, your outlook on life starts to change, you enjoy it more … slowly

I’m known as a happy person. What have I learnt? Don’t be the happy depressed person. Show people your two sides, they will understand you. Don’t suffer in silence.



  1. I also go through phases of depression,I'm not the type to talk about it because I know that its just a phase and ill be okay.
    amazing post!!

  2. Its funny, depressants are used to temporarily boost moods or induce euphoria while they also cause anxiety and insomnia and...yeah, depression.

    There are many reasons for an inexplicable depression, most times it's simply chemical imbalances because of our peculiar diets (and substance abuse)

    Hydration & rest seemed to work fine for me.

  3. remove one of those please. HI @ BEE =D

  4. Well. This is awkward.
    Anyway. Been long since I came here. Depression is a real thing especially in Kenya where we think mental health issues are good humour material. And also because we cannot tell the difference between unhappy, depressed and bored shitless.
    Youth are affected a fair amount I reckon but the real toll is on all the parents and grandparents who never sought help for it for years and ended up messing up their children and grandchildren. It is a vicious cycle that makes me believe that depression is hereditary. If your father is depressed raging alcoholic, you will try your best not to be anything like him and stress your kid by manipulating him to being a doctor in an effort to make him better than yourself but he'll leave you once he's legal and has some money and this will depress you and you turn to alcohol to try and forget. Or something like that. I am paraphrasing