Sunday, August 29, 2010

A turn of events

Then he said "How about we just go back to my place?"

There come several times in every woman's life when she realizes that it has been forever since she was kissed. Or touched. Or held. It awakens a sleeping monster that whispers in her ear that she needs to make sure she's not completely undesirable to the opposite sex. Other than the needs that need to be met and the body parts clamoring for a little affection,a girl needs to get physical. Truth be told.

And so,every broad-shouldered well-toned smooth-talking specimen of pectoral perfection begins to look like a feasible option. If these needs are not catered to,the situation deteriorates to a point that the men they lust after do not necessarily have to fit the necessary criteria (average-looking,has a job,is single,is not my ex),which is detrimental for everyone involved.

KK and I sat at the bar for exactly 4 minutes before JavaGuy showed up. Chivalry,like punctuality,is a dying art,so I was suitably impressed with his attempt. This being the first time I'd studied him up close,my eyes were immediately drawn to his lips. *enter the monster* The banter began. Casual conversation,cocktails,loosened some point,KK was distracted by a persistent old flame,and JavaGuy and I were left to our own devices. Needless to say,the sexual tension that I promptly blamed on the alcohol was fueled by said monster...and thus,we ended up forgetting that we were at a public bar. And then he said..."How about we just go back to my place?"

I was trying really hard to think of a reason not to go. I didn't want to? Definitely not it. I most definitely wanted to. Too early?...who cares?
"I'm going to the ladies,then we can go." I got up. Finished my business and came back,ready and revved up to go...and there was JavaGuy,with KK-but the way their lips were locked,I couldn't tell who was who. 

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The miracle of modernity

If you are Christian,you believe that about 6 thousand years ago,God,the almighty omniscient one,created man,in his own image. If you're atheist,you don't. Either way,man showed up. (the whole universe was in a ... Then nearly ... Expansion started-wait-math science history unravelling the mystery that all started with the Big Bang. But I digress.)
Man,being superior to all other created - or contrived - beings,was thus relegated to rulerdude status. He was presumed most intelligent,and most worthy-something present-day man seems to have lost-and therefore most capable of rule over the birds and the bees,among other species.
Man invented several incredibly useful things,such as the wheel,french fries and clothing that grew succesively smaller throughout the ages. He found which drugs worked best with which to cure melancholia,sobriety and tonsilitis (which I,unfortunately,have now. But I digress.). He made appliances such as barbecue grills,telescopes and planes. Among these wondrous inventions was the bathroom.
The bathroom consisted of a bathtub,or a shower (which proved to be very convenient for some adventurous women) and a toilet. There was also a sink,for brushing teeth,and washing hands. This magical room was conveniently located in the house. Very important,as before a certain time,outhouses were just that-outside.
But modern man began to regress. He felt the need to refuse to use the bathroom for the purposes it was intended for. (this turned out to be a problem as well for other aspects of his life. But I digress.) All of a sudden,modern man had the audacity to demand that modern woman carry a jug of water and a basin,come to where he was and wash his hands.
Modern woman was baffled. Surely the point of inventions and ingenuity was that she did not have to do such things? But modern man insisted on it. So much so,that it became a bone of contention- whether as a sign of submission or archaism,or the merging of tradition and modernity.
Some modern women caved to the pressures of modern man. However,some caved only because it was not their house and they could not refuse,as they were still under parental sustenance. Some remained stalwart in their convictions.
The moral of this rant is that please believe when you come to my house,you are using the damn bathroom. And say yes to drugs. :o)