Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Ratio Principle

Yes, I said it. Mostly because, you know, it’s true. I have observed this truth upon my extensive forays into this wide and wonderful universe (spanning a whopping four countries, one of which I was only at the airport, and another we merely drove through. But I breathed the air there! And it therefore should still count. As well as the states I’ve been to. So we’ll make that a nice, round number 8. 8 countries. Yes.). I honestly think Kenyan men are a pretty good looking bunch - but no one ever says so. Pride, prejudice, or sensibility? Hmmm. Definitely not sense… However, we all must give credit where it is due. Of late, there has been a tentative then hearty appearance of the semi-metro man. He who still does beer and nyamchom with the boys, but will go to the gym after work and wear (ubersexy) loafers on a casual date. Forget McSteamy – McMoto!! Whoopwhoop!!
Like I said, no one admits it, or there’s the other scary section of Nairobi girls who insist I have incredibly low standards. Well, there’s a good side of being easy to please – I see a lot more eye candy. And it is STATISTICALLY PROVEN that eye candy is good for blood pressure, circulation, optical improvement and elasticity (you know, when you’re trying to follow them into the distance), muscle strength (you know, when you’re trying to follow them into the distance) AND it releases multi-endorphins. That’s the special kind.
Anyhue, to prove these naysayers wrong, my girlfriend and I decided to test my theory. (What are they called when they are then proven to be true? Facts? Principles? Why then is it not called the Pythagoras Fact, Or Einstein’s Principle of Relativity? Hmmm.) My theory (I really need a more fancy-schmancy name) states that For everyone five average looking and/or funny-looking male in this city, there is one Adonis. I think those are pretty good odds, considering how we haven’t started on the ladies… *ahem*. Surely both of us can’t have low standards. Plus we usually find very different men attractive, and she’s a diva, so between us we represent the majority of Nairobi females. I think.
So we stood on a corner and counted. My theory was proven resoundingly correct more than once. Talk about reversed roles! Two chicks on a corner, checking out the teeming mass of males streaming before our (slightly greedy) eyes. It was most refreshing. You, dear reader, should try it. It gives you a greater appreciation for humanity. Especially as they walk away. *winkwink*
So, I’m right. I always knew I was a genius. :o)
p.s. Guys on motorbikes…please don’t look so random on your bikes. You bought the bike, so buy the image. I cannot begin to count the number of times I thought the guy driving a Kawasaki should be in a Tuktuk. Don’t tease us like that. Please. Walk the walk – as in, if you can’t hack, walk. Then again… lemme stop being shallow.

Friday, November 13, 2009


In my life
I'm not sure
which is easier to find
or truth.
And sometimes it seems
to be
to me
that these masters of artistry
hide their faces from me.