The thing is,your love life is like a world cruise on a huge,beautiful luxurious ship (you) around the wide and variegated world (men. Or women. Whatever your taste,just don't get too kinky.) (or do. :D) Under most circumstances,you are content to sit on the ship and enjoy its delicacies/sport/company,but inevitably,at each port,you will be inclined to perhaps,maybe,do more than just admire the docks. Then,you may even...disembark. Discover you like the natives and venture ashore. Heaven forbid,get back on the boat with a colorful possibly cheap souvenir. I mean,who doesn't like souvenirs?
Someday,you'll line up all your little shiny trinkets. You'll have a memory behind each one. And then one little piece will jolt you straight back to the day you bought it...and why you bought it,and who you bought it from.
I went to Mr. T's house. The whys and hows are irrelevant,but it was terrible,and frightening,and strange,and nostalgic,and familiar. I stepped in through the door and he smiled that feral smile of his that always made me weak,but right then made me panic. He looked smaller. Neater. Focused. I fiddled with everything because I was nervous,like a butterfly trapped in a cage regardless of knowing where the flap to freedom is. I flitted about so he couldn't catch me. He looked like he wanted to catch me. Focused.
How are you?
Good,good. How's work?
Fine. I like it. You?
We weren't really talking. His eyes roamed over me,over mine,raking like hot coals on a cold,glacial surface. Then he said
Spend the night.
I laughed in desperation,because I knew he was serious.
What would my boyfriend say?
I won't tell him.
Why do men do that? Taunt. Tease. Mean it. Tease again. Of course I declined. Still panicking. I sat down. He said
That brings back memories.
Of what?
You know.
I knew. All of a sudden I started to babble about some movie we'd watched,then my words abruptly slowed to a trickle when I realized he was wearing socks when we'd watched it.
Did I give you that necklace?
Your eyes still look the same.
I'd missed you.
So you're interviewing someone here for work?
Yeah.
Interview me.
Ok.
I asked him questions. Wrote down what he said. Then he looked at me,those annoyingly meaningful looks,and said
We could never have dated.
I nodded mutely like I understood,like we'd had this conversation many times before,yet we hadn't. Yet we had. I stood up to leave. He stood.
Let me check something...
He pulled me in,closer,closer. Too close. He was leaning in. I gently pushed him away.
No?
No.
Ok. Even a little?
No.
A little banter,then I left.
But I remember why I bought that trinket. I wanted it so badly,but it turns out it wasn't the kind I wanted. If the trinket could've spoken,it would've said the same thing. Luckily,Mr T was not a mute souvenir. And when I said goodbye,it felt like the last time.
tSN
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Ex 'Rule'
Women get amusedly antsy when you start saying things around their boyfriends like, “Ei, na si your man is fine?” I get this. Though I am often the woman extolling his manly attributes, I (try to) only do this to my friends’ boyfriends, who I know nothing will ever happen with (because they know where I live).
However, I really do NOT understand why women are soooo touchy about friends getting with their exes. YEAH I SAID IT. The Rules/Code/Girl Law, you say? Whatever, man. (Ha! Exactly! Whatever man! Hehe) And yes, I would let/have let my friends do my exes. Sometimes, I even share. I talk like this coz I can back it up.
So here’s my argument for it.
1. Y’all broke up.
2. Y’all broke up.
3. Y’all broke up.
4. If I asked you if you were ok with it, and you said you were, and you weren’t…now whose fault is that?
5. If it’s a respectable time period after y’all broke up (instead of, you know, 2 days…but that’s another story), and you’re supposedly over dude in question…why not? And if you aren’t over dude in question, don’t tell me you are. Or clearly we’re not really friends if you’re fibbing. Hmmm…
6. Possessive? Ok. I can get that. But after like 6 years, grow up.
7. That whole oh-so-now-you’re-doing-my-leftovers thing doesn’t bother me either. Isn’t everyone someone’s leftovers?
8. Was I looking at him when y’all were together? If it was me, I most probably checked him out, but by virtue of the fact that he’s your man, a curtain goes over him. It’s like, your dad. HOWEVER. When you break up, curtain = lifted. #jussayin. Refer to Reasons 1-3.
9. I have the added benefit of already knowing that he’s not a psychotic weirdo/serial killer. Unless you broke up because he’s a psychotic weirdo/serial killer.
10. We can compare notes! It’ll be like watching a movie at different times and talking about if after…together. (cue The Rembrandts – I’ll be there for you, coz you’ve been there…too)
11. Some women have insecurities like relationships are a competition. Like oh, what can I do better than you. It’s not about what I can do better or worse. By virtue of the fact that we are not the same person, it’s what I do different. That he likes more, maybe, but that’s going to be the case with his next girl anyway.
12. Better the devil you know, right?
13. It’ll make you a better person. By seeing him with someone who you know, you won’t hate as much because we’re friends, and thus become less of a backbiting, bitter ex. Or you can hate to me, which will therefore be more constructive and you’ll feel like you’re really making a change in the world. For example, instead of
“Mmm, check out that *** Michael hooked up with.”
“She has nothing on you! Have you seen her weave? MAWE need to be informed.”
This could be
“Ah, chick, you can’t be walking around with that thing on your head. I set a standard, bana.”
“You think it’s that bad?”
“Uh…yeah.”
“Ok, cool. Good looking out.”
Why can’t we just all get along?
tSN
However, I really do NOT understand why women are soooo touchy about friends getting with their exes. YEAH I SAID IT. The Rules/Code/Girl Law, you say? Whatever, man. (Ha! Exactly! Whatever man! Hehe) And yes, I would let/have let my friends do my exes. Sometimes, I even share. I talk like this coz I can back it up.
So here’s my argument for it.
1. Y’all broke up.
2. Y’all broke up.
3. Y’all broke up.
4. If I asked you if you were ok with it, and you said you were, and you weren’t…now whose fault is that?
5. If it’s a respectable time period after y’all broke up (instead of, you know, 2 days…but that’s another story), and you’re supposedly over dude in question…why not? And if you aren’t over dude in question, don’t tell me you are. Or clearly we’re not really friends if you’re fibbing. Hmmm…
6. Possessive? Ok. I can get that. But after like 6 years, grow up.
7. That whole oh-so-now-you’re-doing-my-leftovers thing doesn’t bother me either. Isn’t everyone someone’s leftovers?
8. Was I looking at him when y’all were together? If it was me, I most probably checked him out, but by virtue of the fact that he’s your man, a curtain goes over him. It’s like, your dad. HOWEVER. When you break up, curtain = lifted. #jussayin. Refer to Reasons 1-3.
9. I have the added benefit of already knowing that he’s not a psychotic weirdo/serial killer. Unless you broke up because he’s a psychotic weirdo/serial killer.
10. We can compare notes! It’ll be like watching a movie at different times and talking about if after…together. (cue The Rembrandts – I’ll be there for you, coz you’ve been there…too)
11. Some women have insecurities like relationships are a competition. Like oh, what can I do better than you. It’s not about what I can do better or worse. By virtue of the fact that we are not the same person, it’s what I do different. That he likes more, maybe, but that’s going to be the case with his next girl anyway.
12. Better the devil you know, right?
13. It’ll make you a better person. By seeing him with someone who you know, you won’t hate as much because we’re friends, and thus become less of a backbiting, bitter ex. Or you can hate to me, which will therefore be more constructive and you’ll feel like you’re really making a change in the world. For example, instead of
“Mmm, check out that *** Michael hooked up with.”
“She has nothing on you! Have you seen her weave? MAWE need to be informed.”
This could be
“Ah, chick, you can’t be walking around with that thing on your head. I set a standard, bana.”
“You think it’s that bad?”
“Uh…yeah.”
“Ok, cool. Good looking out.”
Why can’t we just all get along?
tSN
Monday, February 21, 2011
The ones who got away.
My love life has been guided by a few...um...guiding principles. First and foremost,yea,most auspicious of these :D is the firm and repeatedly proven belief that I can get pretty much any guy I want. Unfortunately,sometimes the guys I want refuse to get on board with my very nearly conclusive truth. :D
In class 7,one of my best friends was a girl called A. (this has a WHOLE other story behind it that I will get to in due time.) She was one of the popular girls; I was one of the random weird ones. We used to go to each other's houses. I knew her folks,she knew mine. She was very,very cool.
And she had a very,very fine brother,B. B was possibly the finest thing my 12 year old eyes had ever had the blessing to gaze upon. He was funny,and I've always been a sucker for dimples. The first thing he said to me was 'You know everyone hates you,right?' (I was the new girl. Sigh.) I should've seen from the get-go that it was never meant to be.
Then there was C. Dimples again. He was my girl's ex,from years back. She said it was ok if I made a move on him...after I spent an hour convincing her that it was ok... (The Ex Rule. Next post.) I got his number. Turned out he wasn't interested in chastity. My heart broke,and I kept his number for when something else breaks. :D
D. Dimples. Hmmm. Pattern? D is a certified whore. Mostly because he looks the way he does. I'm sure he can't help it. When I met D,he was really good friends with my girl,who was completely uninterested-to this day,something I don't understand. He stroked my ego like it was legend :D He even liked big girls! I wanted to do relatively impure things to his persona,but never got the chance. Don't exactly remember what happened there. He was kinda flaky,and probably had a girlfriend,and I probably got distracted by Mr. T. Or JavaGuy. Or someone.
And then...then I started working,and I met him. And he might be one of the ones who get away too.
tSN
In class 7,one of my best friends was a girl called A. (this has a WHOLE other story behind it that I will get to in due time.) She was one of the popular girls; I was one of the random weird ones. We used to go to each other's houses. I knew her folks,she knew mine. She was very,very cool.
And she had a very,very fine brother,B. B was possibly the finest thing my 12 year old eyes had ever had the blessing to gaze upon. He was funny,and I've always been a sucker for dimples. The first thing he said to me was 'You know everyone hates you,right?' (I was the new girl. Sigh.) I should've seen from the get-go that it was never meant to be.
Then there was C. Dimples again. He was my girl's ex,from years back. She said it was ok if I made a move on him...after I spent an hour convincing her that it was ok... (The Ex Rule. Next post.) I got his number. Turned out he wasn't interested in chastity. My heart broke,and I kept his number for when something else breaks. :D
D. Dimples. Hmmm. Pattern? D is a certified whore. Mostly because he looks the way he does. I'm sure he can't help it. When I met D,he was really good friends with my girl,who was completely uninterested-to this day,something I don't understand. He stroked my ego like it was legend :D He even liked big girls! I wanted to do relatively impure things to his persona,but never got the chance. Don't exactly remember what happened there. He was kinda flaky,and probably had a girlfriend,and I probably got distracted by Mr. T. Or JavaGuy. Or someone.
And then...then I started working,and I met him. And he might be one of the ones who get away too.
tSN
Saturday, February 19, 2011
To be or not to be.
I went to school with a girl called Ella. I always thought she was funny looking,a tad half-baked,but I was the only one who thought so. Everyone else-including the guys-thought she was stunning. Probably the LSB syndrome,which will be discussed during a further post. Today is not a day for controversy and lynching.
Ella,for some reason,felt the need to be nice to me. It was probably my sparkling personality. :D (remember Die Another Day? :D) However,to the girls she was especially friendly to would tell me how she had so many issues,it was unbelievable,ranging from pathological liar to suicidal lunatic. I accepted this and held her at arms length.
Ella was really smart. She used to get straight As and still somehow manage to party hard. When we cleared,I didn't see her again until maybe a year later. She looked normal,still a snazzy dresser,still half-baked. Still nice to me.
Then I saw her a year later and she looked...different. Her hair shone like it had just been burnt-sorry,done. Her heels were a millimeter away from Trampville,but she managed to rock them. Her dress clung to her significant curves,and this was only noon! She gleamed with the wealth of the well-kept. But her skin looked haggard and her eyes,empty.
Every time I saw her after that,she looked richer but emptier. A mutual friend told me she lives in a paid-for apartment in a leafy suburb in this our Nairobi. She drives,too. She never finished university.
I understand ambition. I get malcontent,feeling like there must be more you can get from life. I can identify with wanting to be a billionaire,so freaking bad. But quite possibly,there's a thin line between ambition,the lunacy she may still possess and the prostitution that she may now practice. The lengths that we go to to get what we really,really want do not have to be proportional to the number of old white dudes we sleep with who suck the youth from Ella's gaunt,excessively made-up face.
tSN
Ella,for some reason,felt the need to be nice to me. It was probably my sparkling personality. :D (remember Die Another Day? :D) However,to the girls she was especially friendly to would tell me how she had so many issues,it was unbelievable,ranging from pathological liar to suicidal lunatic. I accepted this and held her at arms length.
Ella was really smart. She used to get straight As and still somehow manage to party hard. When we cleared,I didn't see her again until maybe a year later. She looked normal,still a snazzy dresser,still half-baked. Still nice to me.
Then I saw her a year later and she looked...different. Her hair shone like it had just been burnt-sorry,done. Her heels were a millimeter away from Trampville,but she managed to rock them. Her dress clung to her significant curves,and this was only noon! She gleamed with the wealth of the well-kept. But her skin looked haggard and her eyes,empty.
Every time I saw her after that,she looked richer but emptier. A mutual friend told me she lives in a paid-for apartment in a leafy suburb in this our Nairobi. She drives,too. She never finished university.
I understand ambition. I get malcontent,feeling like there must be more you can get from life. I can identify with wanting to be a billionaire,so freaking bad. But quite possibly,there's a thin line between ambition,the lunacy she may still possess and the prostitution that she may now practice. The lengths that we go to to get what we really,really want do not have to be proportional to the number of old white dudes we sleep with who suck the youth from Ella's gaunt,excessively made-up face.
tSN
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
FIRE!
If there was suddenly a fire at the digz,and I had to grab things to leave,there would be a problem. Mostly because of what I wear to sleep. However,in descending order of importance,these are the first 5 things I would grab. Now,I sleep with a teddy bear,so that'd be automatic,first thing I'd get. And yes,I know they should just run,but I'm a material girl,I'm not leaving my sh** behind lol.
First thing I'd grab,especially if it was the only thing I could grab,would be MY PHONE. I have an intense attachment to every phone I've ever owned. They all have names. They all sleep right next to me. I see y'all saying that explains a lot,radiation. :D My phones have seen me through many a dark,lonely night :D and I would never leave em/it behind.
Number 2,laptop. And cable,this is 2-in-1,lol. Too many movies I ain't watched yet. :D Plus there's an attachment there too.
Third would be the bag that my cousin @arungaian made me. It has The Mask on the back,handcrafted,because that's how I roll. :D So now you see the bag would be somewhere to put the other stuff. Convenient,right? That's what I said. Plus,it'd probs have my wallet in it already. See that? See that? *taps temple* Genius. :D
4th,my bras. Jus coz underwear isn't as important. And any clothes I could stuff in. Actually clothes would be 5th. Before that I'd grab my poetry books. And my pretty unused notebooks. Am I the only one who does that? Just collect stationary because you can,right now you're using notebooks you've been waiting to use for 2 and a half years? No? Ok. :o)
What'd you carry?
tSN
First thing I'd grab,especially if it was the only thing I could grab,would be MY PHONE. I have an intense attachment to every phone I've ever owned. They all have names. They all sleep right next to me. I see y'all saying that explains a lot,radiation. :D My phones have seen me through many a dark,lonely night :D and I would never leave em/it behind.
Number 2,laptop. And cable,this is 2-in-1,lol. Too many movies I ain't watched yet. :D Plus there's an attachment there too.
Third would be the bag that my cousin @arungaian made me. It has The Mask on the back,handcrafted,because that's how I roll. :D So now you see the bag would be somewhere to put the other stuff. Convenient,right? That's what I said. Plus,it'd probs have my wallet in it already. See that? See that? *taps temple* Genius. :D
4th,my bras. Jus coz underwear isn't as important. And any clothes I could stuff in. Actually clothes would be 5th. Before that I'd grab my poetry books. And my pretty unused notebooks. Am I the only one who does that? Just collect stationary because you can,right now you're using notebooks you've been waiting to use for 2 and a half years? No? Ok. :o)
What'd you carry?
tSN
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
A night in the life of...
I'm about to reveal a secret about me real quick. It's not significant if you don't know me and you're not trying to get it my pants though. Although if you're reading my blog for tips on how to get with me,you need a lot more help than you think you do. Especially if you bypassed the whole Mr. M bit. Lol. So anyway. One of the (few :D) things I look for in a man is consistency. Like,dude can halla at you in the club,but if he don't call back,don't mean sh**. (say in black American accent,preferably Monique or Sommore) Same if he sees you around school/work all the time,always up in your grill (/work cubicle :D) talking that we-should-do-coffee thing and never once asking for your number. Dude wants to chill with you but he don't know your last name and ain't tryna figure it out? Please. Those cats are never genuine,but it makes it easier for me to sort through the chaff. He's...wait for it...just not that into you.
Then there's the dudes who just don't know what they want. They dunno if they want a jump-off,clande,relationship,bootybuddy,moviemate,soccersister...they jus don't know. The reason they're giving mixed signals is because they don't know what they want...and they're just not that into you.
Now the dudes I really have respect for,are the consistent ones. He can be like,yeah,so I think you're fine,and we should hook up. Which is dudespeak for I can lay pipe and you look like you need a plumber so I'ma halla...then he hallas! Beautiful. So y'all start talking,then the texts get explicit,etc,then he declares outright what he wants? Beautiful,coz you wanted the same thing. Or the dudes who are like so I think you're interesting,let's do drinks...which is dudespeak for you cute,and this could be more than a sidechick thing but I'm definitely on the lookout for any additional benefits I might accrue...yeah. Then he says,so I'm looking for a relationship. BAM! You know from the onset exactly what you want,what he wants,and it's beautiful. And I LOVE them dudes who don't even try to get your number because they KNOW they're not gonna use it. :o) Honesty. Beautiful. Basically when a man is not consistent,I assume he's not serious about...anything.
So I'm chilling at the digz watching standup,and Shark calls. Haven't talked to him in like 2,3 weeks,he's been quiet text-wise,ie in tSN speak,in possession of no ulterior motives and/or consistency. I'm like SUP? He goes come outside we go for a walk. It's 9pm. I'm like...ok. So I get out and he won't hug me because he's just come from gyming and he's filthy...so he's in those sleeveless muscle shirt thingies that just show all forms of cleavage that men can possess,you know? And...ok before I digress. Anyway. So we're talking about random-yet-slightly-flirtatious stuff,and then he goes,yeah well,I've never hidden what I'm about. You know I'm up to evil. You know what I want. I gave this dude a side-eye like yeah,I know,it ain't happening,but hehe,that uncomfortable yet thoroughly amused laughter? Yeah. So then he goes si you come sleepover? I burst out laughing,and I'm like so I'll tell Mr. M what? He shrugs his (beautifully muscled) shoulders and says,he doesn't have to know. I laugh again because I know he's serious and I'm trying to make him see how preposterous that notion is. So I manage to laugh it off,he walks me back to my gate and says talk to you later.
The advisable thing would be to stay away from Shark,right?
tSN
Then there's the dudes who just don't know what they want. They dunno if they want a jump-off,clande,relationship,bootybuddy,moviemate,soccersister...they jus don't know. The reason they're giving mixed signals is because they don't know what they want...and they're just not that into you.
Now the dudes I really have respect for,are the consistent ones. He can be like,yeah,so I think you're fine,and we should hook up. Which is dudespeak for I can lay pipe and you look like you need a plumber so I'ma halla...then he hallas! Beautiful. So y'all start talking,then the texts get explicit,etc,then he declares outright what he wants? Beautiful,coz you wanted the same thing. Or the dudes who are like so I think you're interesting,let's do drinks...which is dudespeak for you cute,and this could be more than a sidechick thing but I'm definitely on the lookout for any additional benefits I might accrue...yeah. Then he says,so I'm looking for a relationship. BAM! You know from the onset exactly what you want,what he wants,and it's beautiful. And I LOVE them dudes who don't even try to get your number because they KNOW they're not gonna use it. :o) Honesty. Beautiful. Basically when a man is not consistent,I assume he's not serious about...anything.
So I'm chilling at the digz watching standup,and Shark calls. Haven't talked to him in like 2,3 weeks,he's been quiet text-wise,ie in tSN speak,in possession of no ulterior motives and/or consistency. I'm like SUP? He goes come outside we go for a walk. It's 9pm. I'm like...ok. So I get out and he won't hug me because he's just come from gyming and he's filthy...so he's in those sleeveless muscle shirt thingies that just show all forms of cleavage that men can possess,you know? And...ok before I digress. Anyway. So we're talking about random-yet-slightly-flirtatious stuff,and then he goes,yeah well,I've never hidden what I'm about. You know I'm up to evil. You know what I want. I gave this dude a side-eye like yeah,I know,it ain't happening,but hehe,that uncomfortable yet thoroughly amused laughter? Yeah. So then he goes si you come sleepover? I burst out laughing,and I'm like so I'll tell Mr. M what? He shrugs his (beautifully muscled) shoulders and says,he doesn't have to know. I laugh again because I know he's serious and I'm trying to make him see how preposterous that notion is. So I manage to laugh it off,he walks me back to my gate and says talk to you later.
The advisable thing would be to stay away from Shark,right?
tSN
Monday, February 14, 2011
Just a thought...
Ain't that just the way that life goes down? Moving way too fast,or much too slow.
Several things are going on in my life right now. But in the madness,I've crafted a method,a routine that works for me. This often results in complacency-or simply,just comfort. I'm comfortable where I'm at. I'm grateful that it's not worse; I aspire for it to be better,for me and those around me who I love,and even those I don't. I have made moves in order to make it so. And yet,because life is life,things change. Such is life. But still I feel a gut-wrenching feeling everytime I consider the thought of change having to occur. When is it ok? Can it ever be ok? When is it time to move on? Must it always be necessary? Can humanity somehow craft our genes to expect it,accept it,deflect it?
The most painful changes for me are those that have to be made to events/things/flaws that have been going on for the longest time. Especially those within yourself. Like say,cutting your hair. :D I'm struggling with a change I may have to make now,and often I wonder why this change must be made,if indeed at all,and why it is not possible for all of us to just get along so I don't have to.
#thatisall
tSN
Several things are going on in my life right now. But in the madness,I've crafted a method,a routine that works for me. This often results in complacency-or simply,just comfort. I'm comfortable where I'm at. I'm grateful that it's not worse; I aspire for it to be better,for me and those around me who I love,and even those I don't. I have made moves in order to make it so. And yet,because life is life,things change. Such is life. But still I feel a gut-wrenching feeling everytime I consider the thought of change having to occur. When is it ok? Can it ever be ok? When is it time to move on? Must it always be necessary? Can humanity somehow craft our genes to expect it,accept it,deflect it?
The most painful changes for me are those that have to be made to events/things/flaws that have been going on for the longest time. Especially those within yourself. Like say,cutting your hair. :D I'm struggling with a change I may have to make now,and often I wonder why this change must be made,if indeed at all,and why it is not possible for all of us to just get along so I don't have to.
#thatisall
tSN
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