Tuesday, May 14, 2013


What everyone wishes for has just happened to me, good people. I GOT PAID MID MONTH! And oooooh, the jooooooy that fills my soul! It was looking grim for a quick minute there, good people, but now Ndiransh can come for his 40 bob, ad we can all be happy, see? (say in Al Capone voice)

Yes, the people who owe me money still owe me money, BUT I GOT PAID! You know that excitement for getting paid when you can darken Java's doors again? And you start turning Art Caffe's menu over in your head? (Because as much as you would like to get other philanthropic souls to pay your bill, you're an independent woman, and independent women don't like to sell their souls for a strawberry daquiri. Although, come to think of it, it's not too bad a trade.)

Although this is going to bode ill for my spending this month, simply because we are so close to end month again. Yes mummy, I'll try not to spend it all in one day. (damnit I have to pay for their internet. THE MORE MONEY WE COME ACROSS THE MORE PROBLEMS WE SEE. Lol. Not that parents are problems...just that...never mind)

I have not done my Iron Man 3 blogpost, but I will soon (stop side-eyeing me, Ndiransh) as soon as I have watched Fright Night, which I downloaded on your recommendation, Njihia. Who loves torrents? I DO. Not that this is an admission. Just a statement that I love them. Not that I use them. Who, me? (yes you couldn't be then who) They're just nice to look at. (I am seeing that old school FBI warning on copyright playing in my head. Y'all remember that? Back when we used to watch movies on a VCR?)

Isn't it dandy that IMAX has insisted on continuing their tomfoolery and increased their movie prices to a k? (as I find out the day I am paid, too) Yup. 1000 bob. Not sure if it is just for Star Trek: into Darkness and Man of Steel, but they seem the type to persist in idiocy. These folks think I can't go back to 3 sock movie at Sarit. Oh, I can and I will. Where do you think I watched Oblivion and The Croods?

*drops mic*


P.s. ahahahahaha. @photosynth15 on Twitter has just commented to me how we should get Boniface Mwangi to do a protest with folks...halafu we all carry tapes (video cassettes, to you young ones) and wave them valiantly in the air. LOL. Maybe rip out the tape as a symbol of defiance? Pretend it's blood? Too soon? Pahahahahahahahahaahahhahahaha

Wednesday, May 8, 2013


My friend owes me money, and it's breaking my heart.

Several of my friends have been doing that lately; the breaking heart thing. Your momma told you about boys, but did she tell you about friends?

I know, I know. I shouldn't have lent her money in the first place. But...she was my friend (i.e. I was not going to make her sign a contract. I should start that). And I figured I could always start selling her sh* if she defaulted, one microwave at a time.

It's been 2 years.

I don't even know if we are still friends anymore. I mean, sure, we tweet, but that is the extent of our relationship. I thought we were tight, you know? But friends don't do friends like that, do they? It feels like a freakin breakup, except I want to bash her face in. Oh, wait. It feels exactly like a breakup. Lol.

They say money ruins friendships, but it's not even about the money (ha! YES IT IS! B* WHERE'S MY MONEYYYY???). It's a lot to do with betrayal. I even wrote poetry, yo. Bad poetry, but better than the drivel I've been churning out lately. I almost wished she had kissed Wolverine instead. (HAHAHAHAHA NO I DON'T. These things I keep saying. Forgive me, I am driven mad by grief.)

1. Find a guy who knows a guy to relocate her kneecaps
2. Keep calling her and hope she stops avoiding me
3. Fuhgeddaboutit.
4. ...

What do you guys do when people owe you money and you can't get it back? Kwanza my landlord from 2 years ago has shikiliad with half of my deposit because I gave him a week's notice (because his house was crap and I needed to move asap). Who. DOES that?

Don't say Kenyans. Me I don't.

(when you...are far...away...and blue...what do I do)