Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Tomorrow never comes

Great Sidney Sheldon book. Though to be fair, I can't think of a single one I did not like. What does that phrase even mean? Isn't tomorrow here when today is over? Or is it because the statement is never true?

I am awake at ungodly hours trying to learn how to type properly and downloading oodles of joyful things, like Weeds Season 8) (oh, it's just said it has finished downloading Brokeback Mountain, which I have never watched. I know, I know. I am making up for lost itme with a Heath marathon, started by 10 things I hate about you on KTN last Saturday night). Dude. That home row is killing me LOL. See if I had free internets in my life, I would never get off the couch. The leather so soft...

I am also moving. Again. (can you imagine, this is the first time I have signed a lease? It says I year. I feel so grown. In a year, will I have to move out because I have bought my own home/farm/jet/stripper pole?) Foreverland has told me forever and tomorrow never come, and forever is but a place where dreams go to laugh at humans and all their naivete. Gosh that sounds morbid. Ignore that paragraph.

I don't have a car, and I do not feel like asking for one. I will probably cab it. I'm also heavily in debt in life (because I cannot afford my life. Can people really? Oh, I know people who do...adults. Ha.) but I think I have a plan, and it seems like a sound plan, so that is what I am going with. I am nothing if not confident, even in the face of the butterflies fleeing from my wallet. Not for long now!

My jobless friends may be coming to help me move; jobless friends are useful people (in my world, they call them freelancers. We like to stick together, a merry little band). I mean, they're not Cube Movers (ah, simple rich people dreams...stop laughing at me, forever!) but two of them (the most morbid person I know, and the other such a neat freak that she cleans house when she's stoned. Like, that's her first instinct. Oooh, puff puf...clean. Yeah.), but they're really as close as I can get to professional service, just that I do not have to pay for it (the best kind of sluts. No? Ok.)

The point is (I think), I am MOVING! (now to think of a new name for my new spot) Yay! Change! I said I would, and I did. *cue Mariah Carey*



p.s. Trying not to encourage my addiction to coconut macaroons (sp?) at Paul Cookieman's. Why is it in town? So easy access, like a bikini. Ah, me.
p.s. Biko...

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Film: Skyfall

*sighs in ecstasy*

I watched Skyfall yesterday. I was one of the first people in East Africa to do so. I am so glad I am a blogger! Lol.


Y'all do not even understand how good that movie was.

It was funny. It was somber. It was action-packed. It was sexy. It was...

It was perfect.

The movie was perfect. The acting was perfect. The script and the plot and THE VILLAIN and the sets and the cars and the women and the score (of course. It's Adele) and the visual effects and the opening credits and the was all perfect. PERFECT!

Daniel Craig delivers a STERLING performance, totally worth waiting 4 years for. And yes...he drinks Heineken. But this is James Bond. It's not like he has one drink throughout the whole movie. The Bond girl, Berenice (Severine, in the movie), is gorgeously convincing. Eve is a great driver, and I like how they've switched up the roles now...old meets new in a fluid symbiotic relationship (it's a theme that plays through the entire movie...very relevant). There's a new Q, of course, among other things. The supporting actors really support! LOL. The villain is incomparable...ok he is is comparable to only the greatest villains of all time, like Joker and Hannibal Lecter. I was staring at his surprising performance and I was like, THIS is the guy who was in Vicky Christina Barcelona? How underrated! (How does that movie have a 7.2 on IMDB? SIELEWI. And the way @donatellimg insast on that flick) My movie buddy feels they were paying tribute to past Bonds - Sean Connery (they're in Scotland at some point) and he drives the car Pierce Brosnan drove (ah, Pierce Brosnan...). Possibly one of the best Bond flicks ever. It was great. It was great!

Officially the second best movie I have seen this year. Thrilling from begining to delicious end. Delightful. Delectable. Diabolical. Divine! 5 out of bloody 5, as M would say.

Where you go I go,
What you see I see
I know I'll never be me, without the security
Of your loving arms
Keeping me from harm
Put your hand in my hand
And we'll stand

Let the sky fall, when it crumbles
We will stand tall
Face it all together

Let the sky fall, when it crumbles
We will stand tall
Face it all together
At Skyfall


p.s. When you guys watch it, we'll discuss the title. Gosh, I hope you love it as much as I did. I hope I don't steer you wrong. :o)

Monday, October 15, 2012

Food: Urban Coffee

It takes a combination of balls and stupidity to open up your coffee/cafe thingummy right next to a franchise that has been doing what you are trying to do for years. This is either chutzpah, or you are dumb. I am yet to decide.

Urban Coffee is at Capital Centre, the corner before you turn to Java. (See what I mean?) When I checked in, the waiters looked eager for business (as I am sure they all do at the beginning, but oh, how quickly the glamour fades *say to the tune of Rabbit Heart*). The menu is small and organized, which is good. Choices can be made fast and easy (like the best kind of girl? Ha) The prices are higher than Java, and the portions are smaller than Java...I mean, come on. THEY'RE RIGHT NEXT TO THEM. Of course I am going to compare everything.

I had the breakfast special...thing. It's a neat little package that offers you as much as it can with as little as it can. There was tea, baked beans (the throwback quality of which excited me immensely), egg, toast, salad and bacon. In tiny, tiny portions. The salad was NASTY. So very nasty. Bitter. I don't know what was going on that day. The baked beans were five. The toast was miniscule, as if for a Lilliputian. The bacon and the omelette were very well done, as was the tea. I appreciate the giving out of free and varied magazines (Kenya Yetu, in which Biko has a marvelous piece on Fatherhood, and Ebony, Buidings of Kenya - an older version of what Mutua Matheka is trying to do with the Kenya254 thing - etc), but these folks need to oull up their socks, because next week, I will definitely walk right back around the corner to familiar territory.


p.s. Still haven't watched Brave. Don't know if I can work up the necessary enthusiasm to fork over 800 bob to watch Avatar...again. So now, Skyfall...

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


My girl MM and I sit by a pool, reminiscing about the time she once smoked a blunt the size of a dick. The sun is not out; in fact, it hides behind ominous clouds that are grumbling slightly about having to cohabit. Nonetheless, we are dipping our toes in the freezing water, perversely clinging to our one goal today; to go swimming.

It was the last time she ever smoked up. After 2 puffs (amateur, smh, haaaa) she was running behind pillars like a CIA agent; pillars she was bigger than, with no one behind them, hunting her, ha, regardless of what she thought she saw.

It made me think of my youth. I'm apparently, still in my prime, or rather, approaching it, depending on what side of menopause you fall on. I feel like there are some things I still need to be doing. Silly, youth-y things like wearing small things and showing off my excellently arranged cleavage before its arrangement is pulled down off the shelf. My cousin, who just had a baby, says I need to take nude pictures before I look too old to look good in them. It sounds like a plan.

When we were remembering this story, I felt a warm glow inside me, (definitely not the pool), as if I was watching a movie with one of those fuzzy moments (you know the ones, where the kid is being thrown up in the air in slow motion). I felt like I had a youth, and it was a good one. And it is not over, just in its middle age. And I want to be able to look back on the middle phase, and say 'I enjoyed that immensely, and so did my boobs.'


Friday, October 5, 2012

So I am excited about Skyfall.


I thought I would take this opportunity (Bond Day) to express my extreme excitement over the next entrant into the Bond franchise (note the alliteration). Bond is 50 years old today (the franchise), and I thought we would have a look-see at my favourites...

Ah, Sean Connery. They could not have picked a better man to be the first to personify Ian Fleming's James Bond. Sean Connery was the first Bond ever, in 1962 with Dr. No. Funnily enough, he isn't my favourite Bond...only because I think his later work was much better (The Rock, anyone?). He played James Bond in 6 films (interrupted by George Lazenby, who only did one - On Her Majesty's Secret Service - something he must still be kicking himself over, the right idiot, lol, years later for a franchise that has made 23 films and grossed 4.9 BILLION - more like 12 billion if you calculate inflation nininini - at the Box Office, beaten only by - get this? HARRY POTTER, also British. Hm.), then passed the baton to Roger Moore, a suave fellow if there ever was one.

Roger Moore did 7 movies, and then it was Timothy Dalton's Bond, who for the longest time was my favourite Bond, even though he only did 2 movies (License to Kill is also my favourite Bond soundtrack, done by Gladys Knight).

Next was Pierce Brosnan (who can argue with his seamless adoption of the role), then Daniel Craig.

I have constant arguments about who the best Bond is, but at the end of the day, honestly, you can't not like James Bond (my friend has a theory about how Jason Bourne, whose initials are also oh-so-coincidentally J.B., was written up by Ludlum to be the American Bond). Everyone grew up with him (like Bold and the Beautiful) and all guys wanted to be him, the girls wanted to be with him. He was the internationally renowned badass who got all the ladies and cracked all the cases (see what I did there?). He was the King of one liners and TKOs. How do you not like - sorry, love - this guy? Well, people have several things against Daniel Craig himself (which they need to get over. Did you or did you not watch the Olympics Opening Ceremony? He was on screen with the QUEEN, for pity's sake.). I for one think he is a fantastic actor (have you seen Defiance?), and I think he is meant to depict the more ruthless side of Bond, you know? The one who has battle scars and has been...well, to battle. Another thing that viewers might notice is a new Q, played by (he was old, even back in the day, R.I.P.), and the fact that Bond is now drinking Heineken.

I'm sure you have seen him in the trailer. If you do read the James Bond books (there have been 6 other authors after Ian Fleming passed away), you knw that indeed, Bond did drink beer, so I suppose it is a moot point...although his two trademark lines are 'Bond. James Bond.' and 'Shaken. Not stirred.' I wonder what his new lines are going to be?

Skyfall (soundtrack by Adele. EXCITOS, INNIT??!!) premieres October 26th. T-20. Who's your favourite Bond?


p.s. James Bond was actually a real person. Ian Fleming picked the name because he wanted his superhero agent to have the boringest name he could find. O_______O

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Film: Haywire and The Bourne Legacy

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

So, Haywire showed SUCH promise. A movie with several just fantastic actors: Michael Douglas (Romancing the Stone - as I thus age myself. But that was a great movie). Antonio Banderas (Desperado, Puss in Boots, The Mask of Zorro...shwi shwi SHWI!), Michael Fassbender (Prometheus, X-Men: First Class. In fact, his depiction of the robot rivals Jude Law in A.I. Very nicely done), Ewan McGregor (needs absolutely NO introduction. Come on, y'all. He was OBI-WAN KENOBI, for Pete's sake.) and Gina Carano (professional badass) (and Channing Tatum, who I don't really care about. But ok. He was in Step Up, and that romcom yeah, The Vow), you would think the movie would just be amAZEballs, right?

Wrong. So very wrong.

The two great things about the movie are that Miss Gina over there is really, really, just such a badass. Possibly because she's a mixed martial artist. As in. Those moves look so very real. AIIIII. I want some of what she is having. Also, the director or whoever tried to do a very Snatch-like artsy-fartsy action film. Some of those shots are glorious. He really tried.

He tried too hard. Aki there are 5 lines of dialogue in this whole movie. The plot moves waaaaaaaaaay too slowly. There's too much...of everything. Too many stars, too many artsy loooong shots/walks, too many...ah. I was tired. Eiiiiish. It gets, it is not as bad as Courageous, so a 2 and a half out of 5. Yawa. Walikuwa wanajaribu??

Man, the absolute best movie I have watched this year is Avengers. Nothing has compared for me. Not Batman. *heart breaks* Not...ok you get it, after Batman, I feel I need not explain...and thus, I will watch everything that anyone in it is doing next. *sighs at Chris Hemsworth. Remembers he's married. Goes back to blogging* So JEREMY RENNER (Hawkeye) is the new Bourne dude. Ei, he is good. Go watch it. The plot starts helter-skelter, then you feel smart when you realize that (obviously) everything is related and you slowly make the relevant links. The sets are glamorous and shiny :D They explain a bit, enough for you to understand what is going on. I did enjoy this movie. And the heroine was very satisfactory, especially at the end with a surprise twist. Good stuff. 3 and a half out of 5.


p.s. STILL have not watched Total Recall. Too many action movies out.