Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Film: TDKR

I couldn't find the poster I liked. But this one will definitely do.

So Tom Hardy's accent does not sound fake in this. In fact, I cannot place what it sounds. It was, like, Russian, with a tinge of Middle Easter clipped English slathered with British influences. I dunno what the hell was going on lol.

Wow. So I have been waiting for this movie (for what feels like all my life. I kid. Ok, I don't. No really, I do. I HAVE a life...outside of Twitter. *cough* And I have waited until hopefully you have all watched the movie so the spoilers will not be shocking. If you haven't, please do not read this. I have told you. You have been warned. Do not proceed beyond this point. Go to Jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not collect 200.

I loved the cast. Bane was excellent. For once I liked Christian Bale (usually I cannot stand the man...even in the other Batmans. Have you seen his lips? Of COURSE he is Batman. And I hate hate hate that voice. I really do. Whatever happened to precedent? To nobility? To honour? *sigh*). I love and have always loved Anne Hathaway. I don't know why people underestimate her (probs because they have only seen sijui Princess Diaries sijui Love Sex and Other Drugs -speaking of, is Ryan Gosling pulling a Katherine Heigl and typecasting himself left right and centre? Though I thought Crazy Stupid Love was hilARIOUSly fantastic. Steve Carrell really has grown on me- and still judje her as a confused reluctant pre-teen queen, far from which she is). She was an excellent Catwoman, I must say. The conflict is her character was readily apparent, her skills were incomparable, etc, etc -fun factoid, her stunt double crashed the BatBike into an IMAX camera. Those cost FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND. DOLLARS. I WOULD QUIT LIFE LOL. Ok, no. But I would quit SOMETHING. Like sugar...which was making me so amped up that I couldn't hit the brakes. Yooooo.-. Marion what's-her-face was great too. I did NOT see that coming (though apparently I was the only one). I love me some Joseph Gordon Levitt! (3 folks from Inception. Mhm. I feel I have spelled his name wrong. Have I? I don't feel like googling. I feel there's a hyphen lurking about there somewhere) I'm UBER excited that he is going to be Robin. I do wonder which Robin they will make him; the flamboyant and oh-so-amusing Dick Grayson or the murderous (and murdered) Jason Todd or the third one I never remember? I want him to stick around, so I vote Nightwing. Duh. Alfred, as usual. Morgan Freeman, who in spite of dating sijui his stepdaughter is still fantastic on screen. Primitive energy?...I loved that they threw in Scarecrow in the middle of that movie, pahahahaha. I always like the cop dude (wow, I AM bad with names)...I need to relax with the cast, neh? They were perfectly picked, each and every one.

What the hell was that Batmobile? Are you freaking KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW???? I am sure anyone who has gotten to this point in the review, haaaaa, has seen what the old Batmobile used to look like. A sleek, fitting representation of the absolute COOLNESS that is Batman. They even ACTUALLY MADE THE CAR. I swallowed my rage when they made it that big war tanker thing in these new ones, but when they changed the shape of the jet...ah, it was too much. Yawa! You expect me to believe that that thing was the best aerodynamic design that they could...ah ah. Zi. Do. I've refused. Halafu the bike was great, but goes into a corner or whatever...and comes out a bike. Where's the excitement? Where's the PIZZAZZ!??? CHRIS...YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE...

I hated the plot. Honestly, I think this fella was lazy. He pulled a Michael Bay (oh, I have three movies to make, so one of them can be crap because I know they're going to pay me anyway) I think it was low to just redo Batman Begins (oh, pit, oh, becoming stronger, overcoming, blabla) at that bit. I thought it was farfetched. (when the cops went underground, I was lost. I was DONE.) I was TEXTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE LIKE A FREAKIN NOOB. (also, did you believe how quick his recovery was? No? Me neither.) I was so detached after that point, I didn't even cry when Batman died. ME. WHOSE FAVOURITE SUPERHERO HAS BEEN BATMAN SINCE I WAS 5. LIKE, WHEN MICHAEL KEATON WAS STILL BATMAN AND THERE WERE ONLY LIKE 2 MOVIES OUT. TWO CATWOMANS AGO!! *tries to calm down* As in, the only reason I wanted to cry in the middle of the movie was because I thought I was in danger of becoming a Marvel girl (juu mimi ni dame wa DC, DAMU), because...yup...I enjoyed Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes more. I, TOO, WAS SHOCKED. I will not mention what other movie this year I also enjoyed more, for reasons best known to my mental well-being and peace of mind. Suffice it to say, Marvel is kicking DC's butt this year.

I'm sorry, y'all. I really wanted to do a glowing tribute, but...well, there you have it. I don't know if I can even rate it. *sigh* The cast was excellent. So I guess. A 3 out of 5. Because. You know. It's Batman. It can't get the same as sijui...Warrior.

*breaks down*


Film: Tom Hardy in THIS MEANS WAR and WARRIOR

I do not know the other dude in this movie's name. I do not really care.

I am reviewing these two movies because I find it appropriate to state that I had never watched a Tom Hardy movie before Warrior and this ka-one before Batman. So I felt the need to have something to compare to.

In this movie, his British accent sounds fake. Which is RIDICULOUS, because he's British, right? It was a typical romcom. Silly plot. Especially when she is trying to pick who to be with. Based on THAT premise? Really? Yes, take females back to incapability to make decisions because we are dickmatized (long story, pot, kettle, blablabla). Silly end. Actually, no. It was a sillier end than most romcoms, which is saying a lot. Implausible, clearly and obviously manufactured because someone could not figure out wat to do. In fact, possibly the onle thing I liked about this movie was Chelsea Handler (who looked too old to be Reese Witherspoons's best friend). She is the only reason it gets a 1 out of 5.


Ok, I didn't like this movie either. HOLD THE ROCKS! How did Nick Nolte get an award for this? I thought it was badly written. Tom Hardy's acting was SO GOOD, though. Totes believable. And I cried at the end, after sitting through it (which I could not believe I did, because I thought it was badly written. Did I already say that? And cheaply made. In fact, I thought it was made in like the 90s). So basically, it's a guy movie with manliness and testosterone flying everywhere to cover the bad writing. Yeah. It gets...maybe a 2 and a half out of 5. But only because of TH. Adhawaizzz...


Film: Men in Black 3

I liked it.

I actually do not have much more to say.

Let me try.

The villain was excellent and appropriately picked to be as gross as a villain could be. The alieny aliens did not dissapoint. Neither did Will Smith, or Tommy, or dude acting as young Tommy.

I give it a 3. And a half. Out of 5. You can only keep making so many MIBs, though, yo. But I liked it.